Coping With Strict Parents

Sometimes parents set rules because they fear for their children’s safety. Sometimes parents set rules because they don’t think that their children can do it for themselves. Sometimes parents set rules to stay in control or to bring about a desired outcome or simply because they can. Regardless of why parents set rules teens must learn to live within these guidelines. But what happens if parents are overly strict? Then teens must learn to cope.

Meet in the Middle

Often teens don’t recognise that they have strict parents until they brush up against a rule that they don’t like. If this is the case for you, don’t bother yelling and screaming about the unfairness of it all because chances are you’re parents will ignore you until you yell yourself hoarse. Instead, meet your parents in the middle. Ask them to sit down with you to discuss:

• Every rule under which you operate.
• The rules that you understand and respect.
• The rules that you feel are unfair.
• The reasons why you feel that these rules are unfair.
• The reasons why your parents feel that the disputed rules are necessary.
• Possible compromises regarding rules that could be relaxed.

Show that You are Serious

If your past behaviour leaves your parents rolling their eyes at your level of responsibility, offer to show that you are serious about the compromises that you have suggested. Don’t just give them empty promises, but rather let your parents see your intentions in your actions. Consider:

• Drawing up a contract that you are willing to sign regarding the compromise rules.

• Suggesting appropriate punishments in the event that a compromise rule is broken.

• Offering to take on extra responsibilities at home in order to compromise on some of the household rules – or better yet, just start taking them on.

• Detailing, in writing, exactly why you should be rewarded with compromise rules and what you will learn from the changes.

Stay Calm and Collected

In order to succeed in coping with strict parents you’ll need to not only show that you are serious about changes in their rules, but that you can be a serious teen as well. Stay calm and collected at all times when discussing your parents’ rules, and avoid:

• Raising your voice.
• Interrupting others.
• Whining.
• Running away.
• Throwing/kicking/hitting things.
• Slamming doors.

Ask for Help

If, despite your best efforts, your parents refuse to budge regarding the rules of their regime then you may need to ask for help from other adults. Remember, you’ll need to be totally committed and truly believe that your parents’ rules are outrageous or you’ll run the risk of looking immature and/or insincere. If you remain committed to change, then enlist the aid of:

• A relative or family friend.
• A teacher or guidance counsellor.
• A member of the clergy close to your family.
• A private or family therapist.
• A trained mediator.

Most parents make rules in the best interest of their children, but sometimes they go a little overboard. If you are coping with strict parents, do your best to speak with them seriously about their rules and the effect that they are having on your life. Show your parents that you are committed to compromising and you might be pleased with the results. But if things don’t go your way and you truly believe that your strict parents are affecting your life, then consider asking for help from another trusted adult. Whatever you do, be ready to commit fully to any compromises that your parents offer and don’t ever make them regret their decision. Remember, regaining lost trust will be harder than it was to bring about a compromise in the first place.