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Coping With Strict Parents

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 4 Aug 2022 | comments*Discuss
 
Strict Parents Rules Parental Rules

Sometimes parents set rules because they fear for their children’s safety, because they don’t think that their children can do it for themselves or even to stay in control or to bring about a desired outcome or simply because they can. Regardless of why parents set rules teens must learn to live within these guidelines. But what happens if parents are overly strict?

Meet in the Middle

Often teenagers don’t recognise that they have strict parents until they brush up against a rule that they don’t like. If this is the case for you, don’t bother yelling and screaming about the unfairness of it all because chances are your parents will ignore you until you yell yourself hoarse. Instead, meet your parents in the middle. Ask them to sit down with you to discuss:
  • Every rule under which you operate.
  • The rules that you understand and respect.
  • The rules that you feel are unfair.
  • The reasons why you feel that these rules are unfair.
  • The reasons why your parents feel that the disputed rules are necessary.
  • Possible compromises regarding rules that could be relaxed.

Show that You are Serious

If your past behaviour leaves your parents rolling their eyes at your level of responsibility, offer to show that you are serious about the compromises that you have suggested. Don’t just give them empty promises, but rather let your parents see your intentions in your actions. Consider:

  • Drawing up a contract that you are willing to sign regarding the compromise rules.

  • Suggesting appropriate punishments in the event that a compromise rule is broken.

  • Offering to take on extra responsibilities at home in order to compromise on some of the household rules – or better yet, just start taking them on.

  • Detailing, in writing, exactly why you should be rewarded with compromise rules and what you will learn from the changes.

Stay Calm and Collected

In order to succeed in coping with strict parents you’ll need to not only show that you are serious about changes in their rules, but that you can be a serious teen as well. Stay calm and collected at all times when discussing your parents’ rules, and avoid:

  • Raising your voice.
  • Interrupting others.
  • Whining.
  • Running away.
  • Throwing/kicking/hitting things.
  • Slamming doors.

Ask for Help

If, despite your best efforts, your parents refuse to budge regarding the rules of their regime then you may need to ask for help from other adults. Remember, you’ll need to be totally committed and truly believe that your parents’ rules are outrageous or you’ll run the risk of looking immature and/or insincere. If you remain committed to change, then enlist the aid of:

  • A relative or family friend.
  • A teacher or guidance counsellor.
  • A member of the clergy close to your family.
  • A private or family therapist.
  • A trained mediator.

Most parents make rules in the best interest of their children, but sometimes they go a little overboard. If you are coping with strict parents, do your best to speak with them seriously about their rules and the effect that they are having on your life. Show your parents that you are committed to compromising and you might be pleased with the results. But if things don’t go your way and you truly believe that your strict parents are affecting your life, then consider asking for help from another trusted adult. Whatever you do, be ready to commit fully to any compromises that your parents offer and don’t ever make them regret their decision. Remember, regaining lost trust will be harder than it was to bring about a compromise in the first place.

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I am 24 years old and my dad is so strict and my step mom....unfortunately I don't live with my mom ?? ?? But my dad is so strict like I have my OWN car and I can only drive it to work how stupid is that and I'm not allowed being out with my friends late I don't even have a lot of friends because I have a lot of anxiety and now I'm getting depression and I'm having suicidal thoughts...I'm so tired of living
Ambs - 4-Aug-22 @ 4:57 AM
My parents are kind of flexible, but sometimes the rules they make are kind of stupid. I lost my phone for three months just because I stayed up until midnight on it. I think I should have been grounded, but not for that long. That summer I lost my phone for two months, because I talked to my online friends. I felt like my online friends are really there for me, and I could tell them anything. My mom didn't like them and made me never text them again, which made me really depressed. She reads all my texts, doesn't let me have any sort of social media, which sometimes makes it hard to keep up with friends, and I have a time limit on my phone, which makes it hard to socialize with others. I'm supposed to go to bed at 8:30 on weekdays. I don't even fall asleep at 8:30. Most of my friends parents let them use their phone whenever, and don't snoop through things. They are pretty flexible and don't care. I get good grades, I clean my room, and I don't always misbehave. I don't know what to do.
blake - 8-Oct-21 @ 4:23 PM
My parents are kind of flexible, but sometimes the rules they make are kind of stupid. I lost my phone for three months just because I stayed up until midnight on it. I think I should have been grounded, but not for that long. That summer I lost my phone for two months, because I talked to my online friends. I felt like my online friends are really there for me, and I could tell them anything. My mom didn't like them and made me never text them again, which made me really depressed. She reads all my texts, doesn't let me have any sort of social media, which sometimes makes it hard to keep up with friends, and I have a time limit on my phone, which makes it hard to socialize with others. I'm supposed to go to bed at 8:30 on weekdays. I don't even fall asleep at 8:30. Most of my friends parents let them use their phone whenever, and don't snoop through things. They are pretty flexible and don't care. I get good grades, I clean my room, and I don't always misbehave. I don't know what to do.
blake - 8-Oct-21 @ 4:22 PM
My parents are kind of flexible, but sometimes the rules they make are kind of stupid. I lost my phone for three months just because I stayed up until midnight on it. I think I should have been grounded, but not for that long. That summer I lost my phone for two months, because I talked to my online friends. I felt like my online friends are really there for me, and I could tell them anything. My mom didn't like them and made me never text them again, which made me really depressed. She reads all my texts, doesn't let me have any sort of social media, which sometimes makes it hard to keep up with friends, and I have a time limit on my phone, which makes it hard to socialize with others. I'm supposed to go to bed at 8:30 on weekdays. I don't even fall asleep at 8:30. Most of my friends parents let them use their phone whenever, and don't snoop through things. They are pretty flexible and don't care. I get good grades, I clean my room, and I don't always misbehave. I don't know what to do.
blake - 8-Oct-21 @ 4:22 PM
Hi im 14 and my parents are very weirdly strict. I can get piercings and go out with friends, whatever they don't care. However I am not aloud to get baptized until im an adult. And I ligit want to get baptized and comit myself to Jesus and publicly show that. But since my parents got baptized young, now I have to wait. Please help before I turn 18 and just say no, I don't want to get baptized. Ig im just mad because they want it to be my choice but it's not. Like really, what. I don't care anymore. i was worried I was gonna go to hell but that was a false thing, so now im living for jesus and thats the best i can do.
hey - 11-Aug-21 @ 9:08 AM
I’m turning 15 in 2 months . I live with my dad who is really strict , and it’s unfair because my friends parents aren’t and I wish my dad was like them . I’m allowed to move when I’m 16 to go live with my mom and I’m so excited . But It’s gonna be hard to get through this year , with parental controls on my phone , 2 hours of screentime a day , my phone shuts off at 9pm . I have to wear shorts that are down to my knees and I’m not allowed to wear crop tops . My mom isn’t strict at all and I can’t wait to go live with her .
lane - 25-Jul-21 @ 8:37 PM
I'm 14 years old, nonbinary and lesbian and my parents are massive homophobes as well as strict. I don't have a phone, I have to share a family one, and I'm not allowed to download any apps or games. I'm not allowed to text my friends without asking, my phone locks at nine, and I'm only allowed on electronics 20 minutes a day. I am not allowed to have sleepovers, social media, or any clothes that my parents don't approve of. I don't have an allowance, and my parents lock away my birthday money for 'college' and tell me to get a job, even though my state doesn't let me do that until 16. Whenever I try to talk to them about anything important, they twist it around and make it seem like it's my fault (ex. me: "mom, i don't have friends because you won't let me text them ever" mom: "well that's your fault because we can't trust you because remember that one time in seventh grade when you made an instagram account?") If I even mention that I want to be called by they/he pronouns and have a preferred name, they tell me that I'm just confused, and I need to pray to God and tell my bishop. I don't have any friends because I don't have social media, and I'm forced to play the violin, or my mum is threatening to take me out of the only school where I feel comfortable and haven't been bullied, and put me in a school full of old bullies. I'm depressed and I feel suicidal sometimes, and I have extreme social anxiety because I'm never allowed to talk to people, and I move every two years because of my dad's job. I cry myself to sleep a lot, and I really don't know what I'm going to do until I get out of high school. I've been stuck at home a lot with my six siblings (of which I am the oldest and most hated) and I feel like I'm going to explode.
VinnFeyn - 28-Jun-21 @ 11:05 PM
Hey all, I'm literally turning 16 in 2 days. I have more adult friends than friends my age (thanks to my parents and me being an only child) and I got my nails done today with 2 of those friends. They're both 21, smoke, vape, drink, everything. They are wonderful people though and friends with my mom. My mom doesn't want me to hang out with them because, and I quote, "They're 22." That's the only reason she can give me. I have a friend that lives in a bad part of town and my mom thinks it's fine for 2 15-year-old girls to walk around at night alone. I can't understand that logic. My parents are so strict, I hide everything from them and lie about insignificant things. I get yelled at for lying though so I just hide in my room and cry most of the time. I've hidden my depression and suicidal thoughts for most of my life and when I decided to bring it up, my mom minimized it. I ended up writing a suicide note later that month and, if she hadn't come outside to yell at me, I wouldn't be here today. I love her and she's a great person but she wants me to be someone I'm not. She tries to choose who I'm friends with. I have to write letters to my boyfriend and lie about them just so I can talk to him. She's known him for his whole life and I've had feelings for him almost as long. She knows I've had feelings for him and my dad even told him to make a move, but no, I can't be "getting close to him." Because he's a bad influence.... She's been in love! She knows that when you find someone you truly care about, you want to be the best version of yourself you can be. I know she loves me and she's just worried about me but I'm old enough to see who's good for me and who's not, regardless of how they act around her. The world isn't perfect, she knows that, and neither are people.
Ellie - 8-May-21 @ 2:35 AM
Im 21 years old now and I already have work. I still cant go out with my boyfriend without my brother going with me. If we have a gathering with my friends they would always ask who I am with and i tried to bring my boyfriend with me but they said no. What would I do in this life. I cant be like this forever. There is no room for me to grow and experience what life really is. Can I have a family? will they still be like this even if i am already married and have kids?
Nik - 26-Mar-21 @ 11:40 AM
I live with both my parents although my dad is never ever home and my mom never lets me get a break. I’m turning 13 this year and she always compares me two my friends and whenever I try to take a break for a bit she yells and asks why I didn’t finish my homework. My mom expects so much from me and if I get a bad grade it’s suddenly because of my phone, and now just recently she decided I’ve been spending “to much time” on my phone. I literally spend hours studying and doing homework but she doesn’t listen and I’m suddenly never around anymore and I just sit in my room the whole day, SHE IS LITERALLY THE REASON I DONT LEAVE MY ROOM. She can’t even realize when I’m upset or sad and when she does she starts caring for a while then like an hour after she yells at me again. She thinks taking everything away from me is gonna help me with life and she literally says “I will take away everything you like and I don’t care”. At this point I cry myself to sleep thinking I’m not enough.
M - 20-Mar-21 @ 7:58 PM
Im 13 and i have a strict dad, im not allowed to use electronics at home mon - thur and he wonders why im sad and tired, being able to talk to my freinds is a chance to express my self and stay happy i cant even talk to my girlfriend, my bed time is 8:30. i just got a phone and a can use it outside of home but its not allowed at home. There is nothing to do during the week and i am so bored, he tells me to go for a bike ride with the other kids in my neighborough hood but they are not my friends and what am i meant to do, do that every day until im 18, im sick of life it is just soo boring
chris - 10-Mar-21 @ 8:31 AM
My parents are so strict. I do everything and obey their rules, and once i finish all my chores they say im allowed my phone, but then 1 minute later take it back and scream at me for being on it too much. They take everything from me and are the reason im depressed. They emotionally blackmail me, and dont understand that I need to socialise with people on text to feel better. They argue all the time and are massive hypocrites and call me fat when I dont do exercise ONE DAY. I want to run away. Help
Felix - 3-Mar-21 @ 8:40 AM
I am 15 and my parents don't allow me to go to sleepovers, because "you have your own bed, it would just look like your homeless and that you got nowhere else to sleep". I have a bed time, it's 10 pm and my phone gets taken off of me at 9 pm. They take my phone and laptop for the stupidest reasons. It's so annoying when I'm feeling down (which happens most of the time) and my mom just comes in my room and takes my phone away. She doesn't understand that I talk to my friends, vent to them, it makes me feel better when I have someone to talk to. Also when I get a bad grade or a grade below C, my mom takes my phone until my grades get better, not even aloud to use it for online lessons. My assignments have to be done perfectly, I have to get ONLY good grades, no exceptions. She always compares me and my brother, he has better grades than me, but I want her to understand that he is diffirent. I get yelled at most of the time, I can't go out with friends, I've been locked in my house for half a year now. I can't do this anymore.
Hexwy - 24-Feb-21 @ 3:56 PM
I am 15 and my parents don't allow me to go to sleepovers, because "you have your own bed, it would just look like your homeless and that you got nowhere else to sleep". I have a bed time, it's 10 pm and my phone gets taken off of me at 9 pm. They take my phone and laptop for the stupidest reasons. It's so annoying when I'm feeling down (which happens most of the time) and my mom just comes in my room and takes my phone away. She doesn't understand that I talk to my friends, vent to them, it makes me feel better when I have someone to talk to. Also when I get a bad grade or a grade below C, my mom takes my phone until my grades get better, not even aloud to use it for online lessons. My assignments have to be done perfectly, I have to get ONLY good grades, no exceptions. She always compares me and my brother, he has better grades than me, but I want her to understand that he is diffirent. I get yelled at most of the time, I can't go out with friends, I've been locked in my house for half a year now. I can't do this anymore.
Hexwy - 24-Feb-21 @ 3:48 PM
Hi I’m Katya and I’m 13. My mom doesn’t let me use my iPad or phone after 9:40, she has a deadline at 10:00 pm for showering and if I haven’t showered by then she takes my phone and iPad away and makes me do more chores than I already have which is like 3 on a daily basis, I can only talk to my friends if she allows me to and my mom forced me to get her Face ID for my phone and iPad and she goes through them and when I tell her I don’t want her to go through them she says that I must be hiding something. She uses any chance she has to take my electronics away I’m not even allowed to use my school iPad at times and then my teachers get mad because I didn’t finish my homework but then my mom gets mad at me bc the teachers snitch and my mom says it was my fault. I want to move out so freaking badly
Katya - 24-Feb-21 @ 4:11 AM
My parents are the reason I'm depressed. I'm 16 and I've never been out of my house with friends and I haven't been to a single birthday party. Just today my dad brought up my bed time to 10pm and I'm not allowed on my phone or Ipad after 9pm, but he gets angry whenever I'm on it. Now that we're in lockdown I have no other ways of talking to my friends so I don't know what to do. I cry myself to sleep every day wishing my parents were like my friend's parents. I only got a phone when I turned 14 and other than transport to and from school, I've never been allowed to go out without my parents. I feel like I've lost my teenage years to them. I've never been on a sleepover but it's always been a dream of mine to go on one.
khavita - 23-Feb-21 @ 8:16 PM
Strict parents don’t realize the kids they’re raising. We’re such great liars it’s scary but it’s more sad rather than scary. Sad how I can look my parents in the eyes and tell them something completely different without seeming like I’m telling a lie. My parents are Christans and the only reason I chose to get baptized was so my mom would stop comparing me to the girl she knows a hate. I don’t remember my dad all I have is my mom and my stepdad. If I’m asked something no matter what I do my stepdad gets mad. He tells me to answer when he asks something and if I do he gets mad and if I don’t he gets mad. My mom I love her. I love the lady that gave birth to me. But just last week I went to hang out with my friends for the first time in 3 months. My main point that makes me so sad I cry about it sometimes is the number of times I’ve lied to my parents and they didn’t even think twice about it. It breaks my heart that I feel I can’t tell them anything.
Diane - 22-Jan-21 @ 3:39 AM
Anyone who feels like they want to talk hmm my ig is @d_arlene_
d - 23-Dec-20 @ 2:12 PM
My parents are very strict i am a junior, I cant have my phone in my room and I have a bedtime. I hate the verbal abuse my mom does to me . She acts like grades is my whole life and represents who I am. I hate it and I rather be homeless or broke then live with them
Dan R - 8-Dec-20 @ 10:44 PM
well, I am 16 turning 17, I feel like my parents can't trust me with anything I got to have my door unlocked and opened and give my parents my phone at 9pm and could get it at 8 when school starts. They make mean jokes that to them is funny and when I take it serious and get hurt they say "I am overreacting". Also I could never go out and if I do my mom needs to be there. I also can't be in a relationship even though I am in one and it's hard because I got to lie about my working hours to them. My mom expects me to do everything and I have to do chores while I am in school. They don't believe in depression or in anxiety. I am most of the time in my room without any social activity and it hurts because I can't do anything since my parents are always in my business like the way I dress, the music I listen to or the way I act. I just hope I make enough to pay rent at 18 and move out I am honestly scared of being home and can not stand one more minute being here.
k3nia - 8-Dec-20 @ 9:08 PM
I am 20 and I always feel fear in my own home.Cause my mom throws a tantrum when ever I have semester exams.she makes hurting jokes and when I take serious about them she acts as her bp has gone too much because of me and she will make all other family members to scold me.Its very difficult to live like this.Daily morning I feel fear to wake up as if I am living in horror home.please suggest me anything on how to live with this horror family.
Anu - 30-Nov-20 @ 12:51 AM
i hate my parents so much i feel like they hate me all the time theyre always looking thru my phone as if im hiding something and im not, they make me feel so bad of myself and always expect me to be better and now theyre always saying fat shaming jokes and they hurt me and i usally try my best to not eat but they end getting mad.i hate this life i wanna die.
anahi - 26-Nov-20 @ 12:00 AM
I am 17 years old and I just found out that I was pregnant and I told her so now it seem like she making me stay inna house or she won’t let me go nowhere it she won’t let me see or go with my babydaddy and I’m getting tired of it
ShayShay - 3-Nov-20 @ 8:04 PM
I hate my mom and dad whatever my dad says go's i just now got a phone at 15 and i feel left out i have bipolar disorder which i take medicine for.I play sports every now and then but my parents dont want me to have a social life at all i think.i have threatend with moving out and suicide and at this point i'm on the verge honestly if i have to be told to do a chore then i'm such a horrible kid my sister is spoiled.I'm not trusted with a knife even though I try to buy one with my own money.I blow up at them sometimes bc they are selfish and put there hobbies before things we like all the time.Please somebody help me and give me advice.
Austin - 1-Nov-20 @ 1:59 AM
Gosh, I wanna give you all a hug. I'm not gonna explain my whole situation but I'm 16 and if you ever need to vent or need a friend my instagram is @wlyissell
Yissell - 30-Oct-20 @ 9:56 PM
Wow it makes me sad seeing others passing through the same things. I have a phone, im allowed to use it when I want but my dad randomly checks it. I'm not hiding anything but I know he'll find anything to take my phone away. I'm not allowed to use shorts or tank tops. I live in an apartment complex so my dad makes me wear a sweater because of my neighbors but I don't see the point in it because I don't have any curves. I'm a sophomore in high school and because of corona it ruined my chances of seeing my friends during school. That's the only time I would see them and my dad is glad we're doing school online. does he not understand how much this is affecting me? Before I entered school(kindergarden) I had more freedom because I was allowed to wear shorts/tank tops and hang out with my neighbors but that all changed when I entered school. High school is supposed to be fun , hang out with your friends and stuff like that. what parents are really saying by restricting us is that they dont trust us. I cant even facetime my friends cause I have no privacy, i share a bedroom with my parents(i know right), im not allowed to go to parties(i understand with covid but precorona) he equals it to drunk, drugs, and getting pregnant. Does he really think that low of me? when i grow up i want to be a model and a singer or study psychology just to understand why our parents are like this. I dont have support from my dad of becoming a singer/model cause he doesnt want people to know I exist. I kind of get of where he's getting at because of child predators and stuff but they are so many famous teens my age and nothing has happened to them.
justme - 22-Oct-20 @ 2:59 PM
So yeah. I am 14 years old, i think i have really strict parents too. Especially when it comes to school grades. So i live in Europe (that means we don't have letters, but numbers for grades, 5 being A, 4 being B, 3 being C, 2 being D, and 1 being F). My parents only accept 5-s, and if i write a 4 (which i think is still a pretty good grade), or something even worse (doesn't happen a lot, i am usually a good student), i get yelled at all the time. They tell me they are dissapointed in me, for a grade that is actually good. They take away my electronics, force me to study for hours and don't let me do social stuff. Like hang out with my friends, invite them over or go to a friends house. They invite me to sleepovers and stuff, but my parents never let me, beacuse they say i don't deserve it. I know my older sister was a perfect student, always being the top of the class, and now being a doctor, but they must understand, that i am different. That doesn't mean i'm bad at school. Not at all. I am just not as good as my sister was. And that is something they can not accept.
BenCsusza - 22-Oct-20 @ 2:22 PM
i live with my grandma and she is very strict she always wants me to wear what she wants not just that but i am not allowed to wear a shirt that does not go below my waist or below my bottom it honestly sucks. she goes thru my texts. i dont even have my own phone i have to use her extra phone. and im 14!
Lexi - 22-Oct-20 @ 1:44 PM
I can relate to some stuff y’all are saying I’m 15. I have always used the excuse why my moms so strict is because “she’s a social worker” I’m not allowed to have social media,she yells at me all the time I honestly think that she thinks I’m not going anywhere in life,since the pandemic I can’t do nothing till all of my homework is done,yell’s at me all the time,I’m embarrassed that my friends all think that.For example she picked me up at 4 when my other friends did not leave till around 7 because she said “I don’t know them all that well so I don’t trust them with you.plus she yelled and screamed at me today for dropping a newspaper that’s right.since my nickname is metal head that means I like heavy metal music and she thinks that it is devil music granted I’m a Christian to think god my dad sticks up with me for that without my dad I would be screwed.my mom has no idea how I feel the majority of the time and she thinks she knows everything about me when she doesn’t. And I’m tried off her treating me like a dumb kid I hope and pray god opens her eyes and maes her see what my life is like I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense to the person reading this I have Sympathy for you if you’re life’s like mine.
Metal head - 14-Oct-20 @ 6:53 PM
yall i pray god makes a way to make this shii better if an of yall wanna contact me my gram is @vvvs_backup
jellybeann - 14-Oct-20 @ 4:10 AM
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Latest Comments
  • Ambs
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    I am 24 years old and my dad is so strict and my step mom....unfortunately I don't live with my mom ?? ?? But my dad is so strict…
    4 August 2022
  • blake
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    My parents are kind of flexible, but sometimes the rules they make are kind of stupid. I lost my phone for three months just because…
    8 October 2021
  • blake
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    My parents are kind of flexible, but sometimes the rules they make are kind of stupid. I lost my phone for three months just because…
    8 October 2021
  • blake
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    My parents are kind of flexible, but sometimes the rules they make are kind of stupid. I lost my phone for three months just because…
    8 October 2021
  • hey
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    Hi im 14 and my parents are very weirdly strict. I can get piercings and go out with friends, whatever they don't care. However I am…
    11 August 2021
  • lane
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    I’m turning 15 in 2 months . I live with my dad who is really strict , and it’s unfair because my friends parents aren’t and I wish…
    25 July 2021
  • VinnFeyn
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    I'm 14 years old, nonbinary and lesbian and my parents are massive homophobes as well as strict. I don't have a phone, I have to…
    28 June 2021
  • Rosie
    Re: Fostering and Adopting - Teenagers
    I am from the uk ???? If you need to know where I am.
    13 May 2021
  • Rosie
    Re: Fostering and Adopting - Teenagers
    Hi I am 11 years old and my name is Annie. I love to do drama and go on outings. I also love animals and hope to have one…
    13 May 2021
  • Ellie
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    Hey all, I'm literally turning 16 in 2 days. I have more adult friends than friends my age (thanks to my parents and me being an only…
    8 May 2021