Arguing with your parents is totally natural for teens. From your hairstyle to your friends your marks at school to your television habits, your future plans to your curfew, it might just seem like you argue with your parents about everything. While this is not generally a pleasant state of affairs, it is normal and it will most likely pass. In the meantime, remember to argue fairly, argue respectfully and argue only when needed. It might be hard to stay in control while arguing with parents, but it will certainly keep your relationship stronger than it would be otherwise.
Arguments between teens and parents generally come about when both parties believe that they know what is best for the teen. Parents have been caring for their teens for over a decade, but teens are quickly becoming adults and believe that they are able to take care of themselves. If you are a teen arguing with your parents, remember that your parents love you and only want what is best for you. If you must argue with them, argue fairly by:
Allowing each person involved in the argument to speak their mind.
Refusing to interrupt others when they are speaking.
Refusing to draw others in solely for support if they do not have a place in the argument.
Sticking only to the topic at hand. Bringing up past hurts or issues will not help anyone move forward.
Suggesting compromises that will show your parents that you have thought about the issue and are trying to sort things for yourself.
No matter how heated things may get during an argument, try to remember that your parents still deserve your attention, respect and love. This may be hard when you’re facing a month full of Friday nights stuck at home or a week’s worth of laundry that you don’t think you should have to do, but in the end you’ll be glad that you always gave your parents the respect they deserve. During arguments, be respectful by:
Keeping your voice lowered at all times and refusing to shout.
Sitting still and staying calm.
Refusing to engage in angry actions such as ripping, kicking, throwing or hitting anything.
Rationally explaining the reasons for your opinions and making a case for your side of the story.
Staying until a solution has been worked out. Stalking away and slamming doors doesn’t help make any point other than that you are immature.
Argue Only When Needed
There is a thin line between having a discussion and engaging in an argument, but smart teens know that keeping their interactions with their parents at the discussion level practically guarantees that they will be taken more seriously. No one likes to argue, and the parents of teens can be especially weary of it, so keeping things on a serious and even keel will work to everyone’s advantage. Reserve your arguments for issues that you feel passionately about, and even then only descend into an argument if you see no other way to get your point across to your parents.
Arguing with parents is practically a hallmark of the teenaged years, but out of control arguments don’t serve anyone well. Teens who can remain calm, speak rationally and defend their points are the teens who will best preserve their relationships with their parents. Before arguing with your parents, decide what type of teen you want to be and what compromises you are willing to make in order to achieve your goals. You never know, you might just avoid an argument all together.
also i have bruises on my face chest pain from when my mum shoved me to the ground and have difficulty breathing also I have neck and back pain from my sister my mum grabs my hair doesn't care if I live or die and I get into trouble for defending myself
Caroline - 15-May-20 @ 4:11 PM
me, my mum and my sister are always fig*hting and I am b*eing hit by my mum and my sister and I have had mu*ltiple injuries by both of them. my sister is 4.5 years younger than me. my best friend has a brother and I always get jealous because I never see them argue. my *personal *mental h*ealth and *physica*l h*e*alth are both being affected by this is thi*s normal?by the way is it worth going to s*ee my GP?
Caroline - 15-May-20 @ 4:02 PM
right so this is sort of a long story. this all began feburary of last year. i had just finished my mocks for gcse and had my results back. they were not the best results so my parents got very angry took my phone and grounded me till exams were over. I was not allowed a party for my birthday in april and i missed out on many friends events and parties. when we went into summer everything was good and i went on holiday with my mum and sister. during the time i got into an arguement with my mum as she said i was on my phone too much. she then deleted my Instagram and snapchat. i was so beyond upset. however i managed to email and get my accounts back. when i got home my dad shouted at me and we argued as e found out i topped up my phone bill by quite a bit. this was at the beginning of my long post gcse summer. i was then regrounded and had my phone taken away. this next processes when around in circles i ept sneaking oto my parents room and taking my phone to check on my social media. my dad would find out and shout at me. when we were on holiday at the end of the summer i used my sisters phone to check my messages and when my dad found out they went through my snapchat and found stupid "innappropriate" videos of my friends and being silly. he began to hit me and left 2 big bruises on my arm (which the next day he saw when i was by the pool and was concerned on how i got it not knowing it was from him) so that was the end of the summer and it was all ruined. when i got back to chool my friend lent me her old phone to use till i got mine back. my dad had a suspision of this and downladed a wifi tracker to see what devices were connected to the wifi. he shortly found out i had another phone and continued to shout and punish me. i was not abe to go out or speak to any of my friends. my parents messaged my friends to not speak to me which i later had to lie to them saying that it was only a joke. after missing many events it came to my friends party that i really wnated to go to so i faked a school trip on the same day and went to the party instead. my parents again found out and i was slaped and hit. i began to work very well on school and stay focused bringing back good grades to show my parents but still i was not able to get my freedom back. i begged so many times for them to give me a chance to start again but they refused.behind their backs i made another snapchat account as my dad took over my original one and was using that on my sisters ipad when i could. one night i asked my mum to go to a party but she wouldnt let me and my dad was out the country for work so when my mum went to bed (quite early that night) i snuck out went then came back home without anyone knowing. about a week after my parents found out that i went and my dad hit me again leaving a big red mark across my back. it contiuned again where they would threatto message my friends (which they did). then recently i was using my sisters ipad when everyone had gone to sleep to c
L - 28-Mar-20 @ 12:59 PM
hi i’m niamh and i’m 13 years old, my two big sisters are moving out after the summer holidays so it’ll just be me and my mum. i’m sad about them leaving and it’ll be lonely. my mum keeps fighting with me and she thinks that i don’t want to stay with her. she keeps shouting at me and saying i’m cheeky. all i’m saying is it’ll be lonely, what do i do?
niamh - 27-Jul-19 @ 12:18 PM
i dont know what to do, i eat to much food. but im not fat, and everybody suck my QNA
abdul - 6-Mar-19 @ 11:22 AM
What happens when I argue respectfully or calmly, but my parents don’t. In arguments, I tend to be quiet while they yell. I tend to make a conscious effort to focus on thinking rationally, while they almost immediately resort to emotional arguments (I know this because they never stop their tirade to try and calm down, and they often yell or interrupt). I try to listen to their points and their reasoning, but they will often times prevent me from even making mine, let alone defend it.
What am I supposed to do in this situation?
JamesMcRuffles - 2-Nov-18 @ 3:44 AM
@Ari - well said. The critisiser must have been a teen too at some point. We all go through this stage, some more extreme than others. But don't tar all teens with the same brush.
Cooch - 21-May-18 @ 9:24 AM
Your comment is pretty rude. The people here aren’t here to attack their parents (as it seems your son has done) but to have mature discussions with them. At the end of your comment, you said “that’s why it’s terrible to argue with teens like you”- implying that all of us are like your son. Fortunately, we aren’t like your son. Your comment is uneccessarily antagonistical. You are welcome to share your story, just please don’t attack the rest of us for your son’s behavior or devalue us and our problems based off your experience with him.
Ari - 20-May-18 @ 2:29 AM
Good atfernoon kids! A week ago when I came home a rainy day my oldest son stood in front of the out door, he was just standing there with his evil face and asked me to give him money for a "gift". I wondered what sort of gift he was talking about but he just wanted the money and started to srceam at me. I got shocked and in panic I called the police, he started to throw chairs at me. He took the money and ran away from me but he didn't even notice that he forgot the shoes so he came back and ran into a policeman..... that's why it's terrible to argue with teens like you!!!!
Agent To - 15-Feb-18 @ 2:08 PM
My mom gets me in trouble even when I do the slightest things like when I breathe heavily like today when I had a bag of chips in one hand and a cookie in the other I did a huff and she got mad at me and my sister never gets in trouble when she does stuff so what should I do I need help before I just lock my door shut and never open it
Hey it'sbee - 19-Dec-17 @ 11:02 PM
@Evie - concentrate on your exams as they are the most important thing in your life right now. This row will blow over and you'll forget it in a week Try and discuss the issues rationally with your parents and try not to get into another row. If you are mature about your approach, then your parents will be too. Good luck and don't worry. Freya.
FTY - 15-May-17 @ 12:35 PM
Hi, I'm Evie and I'm 13. Me and my mum used to argue quite often and it had been a while before we had argued properly until today. My dad is rarely pulled into our arguments but when he is, it makes me feel like I'm not worth much. Today my mum asked me to go to the shop with her because she has a bad back and would struggle to reach things. I told her to wait one minute and got changed into some jeans. As I went to put on some quick makeup my mum got really angry at me saying that I always have my door closed. She started yelling at me and brought up a disagreement we had this morning about me not telling her about really minor things. My dad said he was going to stop getting me contact lenses to punish me, despite knowing that I'm really insecure about wearing my glasses and I have to wear them 24/7. This week is my exam week and I feel awful. What do I do?
Evie - 14-May-17 @ 4:54 PM
@Elle - I would just put it down to teething-problems and that all of your are adjusting to the fact your mum has a new man. As long as it blows over and you can carry on talking, then that's the main thing. You all have to make allowances for each other in new situations like this and your mum is probably feeling a bit stuck in the middle between your and her new b/f. It's always hard to accept someone new, but as long as he's a nice person you will all be trying your best to make it work. Jen <3
Jen990<3 - 8-Sep-16 @ 12:30 PM
My Mum's dating someone and we just had an argument but she seems to stick up for him more than us and I don't know what to do. If I try apologise it doesn't work but in like an hour it will blow over and we'll all b friends again but i dont know.
Elle - 7-Sep-16 @ 6:40 PM
@Matty - it seems that you're the mature one and the rest of your family should take their advice from you!
JennyJ** - 2-Sep-16 @ 1:55 PM
My parents seem to think arguing with a calm voice and not getting angry like my sister does is being more immature it gets me so annoyed because I like to think that when I argue I'm doing my best they just shout and get really angry and normally fall out for a fiew days
Matty - 6-Aug-16 @ 9:52 PM
I have the exact problem as yours.my parents,they never see the story from that point of my view.and it's very annoying that everything that my dad or i say,my mom will just get angry and creep out.she is always mad??and whenever i try to talk calmly and nicely,it turns into an argument and my mom always start it.she thinks every single thing i say is unfair.i'm kindaf tierd of this situation. and my dad...i'm a very positive,happy and a wise person but my dad thinks i'm still his 7 year-old girl.he always gives me family and *Advise ful??*lectures which it seems that i know every single word he is going to say and i can have a lecture even better than you so i get bored and he thinks that i can't understand him.and when i try to talk to him,he seems like:oh my little girl,you still need to grow up...it's so hard that he thinks i don't understand what he says and he treats me like that.
Nikki - 29-Apr-16 @ 3:21 AM
you shoud argur with my parents
izzy - 25-Jan-16 @ 6:14 PM
@Popps - yes, rather than arguing sit down and have a chat to him and tell him how you feel and ask him to try to understand. When you argue the point gets lost. But if you do your best not to raise your voice but let him know that you are going through a tough time and rather than having his opposition, you would really value his support. Besides, you might not think so, but remember your dad was also a teenager once and will have gone through similar emotions, he must remember what it was like!
Sam - 3-Jun-15 @ 1:54 PM
I have tons of arguments and disagreements with my mum and my dad. What seems to annoy me is that my dad never sees my point of the story. My mum takes it very seriously and when we're not arguing she seems to understand what I'm going through as a teen but I want my dad to see that too.Any tips?
Popps - 31-May-15 @ 9:58 PM
@WWE WRESTLERS - as specified in the article arguing with parents is practically a hallmark of the teenaged years, but out of control arguments don’t serve anyone well. Teens who can remain calm, speak rationally and defend their points are the teens who will best preserve their relationships with their parents. The article offers some other helpful tips, but remember it's all part of growing up and finding your own identity. So, before arguing with your parents, decide what type of teen you want to be and what compromises you are willing to make in order to achieve your goals. You never know, you might just avoid an argument all together. I hope this helps.
TeenIssues - 11-Feb-15 @ 2:55 PM
hi im always arguing with my parents they never see my side of the story and I've been getting really angry with them does anyone have tips.
WWE WRESTLERS - 10-Feb-15 @ 1:19 PM
What if your mum takes away your social life and you have to pay to get it back? Life without mates çan tear you appàrt.
Kates - 5-Aug-14 @ 1:19 PM
What if you are speaking respectfully and you do ask for opinions but your mum calls you argumentative and disrespectful? What if you use atone she has taught you is respectful and she still says you're disrespectful? When I ask my mum questions about stuff she usually refuses to answer because it's "Disrespectful" for me to ask her about why she insists on a particular rule or why she makes me do the work around the house instead of my siblings. Is she being disrespectful by not answering? Or is she right and I'm being disrespectful for asking?
IcePrince - 5-Jun-14 @ 9:22 PM
Jakeass, you should just ask her if you want anything doing round the house, if no then go on your xbox. Once and a while go out tho. The weather is crappy too where I live but I always go out on the skateboard too!
Loz - 11-Nov-12 @ 11:52 AM
What do you do when your mum is on your back casue I like to play the xbox cause the weather is always crappy (raining cold etc) and I dont really have many people I like in the area cause my friends live somewere else
jakeass - 8-Nov-12 @ 9:36 AM
Parents and teens are always going to argue, it's the way of the world, and those arguments will get out of hand at times. When that happens all the good intentions and rules go out of the window. The trick is in making up afterwards. You have to be prepared to say you're sorry when it's over and take a more reasoned approach - after all, you're the adult, so you should take the lead, and you're the parent. You also have to listen, not just to what your teen is saying, but also what they mean.
Prissy - 6-Jun-12 @ 11:59 AM
what to you do when your mum is ALWAYS moaning at you for not doing enough around the house, when you do more than what your brothers do?!