Home > Family Life > Dealing With Divorce and Separation

Dealing With Divorce and Separation

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 25 Mar 2015 | comments*Discuss
 
Divorce separation divorcing

Some teenagers see it coming - the bitter fighting, the name calling, and the door slamming - but others are totally surprised when they learn that their parents are separating or divorcing. Though this may be the best thing for your parents' relationship, it can be hard to imagine that being torn apart is best for your family. When it comes to dealing with divorce and separation, remember that your family is not ending, it is just changing. This may seem like the same thing at first, but in the long run you will come to accept your parents' decision and hopefully realise that it was for the best.

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

Divorce and separation can seem an awful lot like the death of your family, and in a way it is - the death of your family as you know it, anyway. This is a major event, so don't try to gloss over it or ignore it. Give yourself time to grieve by:

  • Crying in the bedroom, screaming in the shower or throwing plastic in the garage.
  • Being happy or relieved that home is no longer a battleground.
  • Talking it all out with your friends.
  • Writing a poem, recording a song or painting a picture of your feelings.
  • Working through your anger on the pitch, track or in the pool.
  • Splurging on a little something to make yourself feel better, even if only for a little while.

Pick Yourself Up and Carry On

It's good to grieve, but not forever. Before you sink into a deep depression, get yourself thrown out of school or irreparably damage your future, remember to pick yourself up and carry on with your life. A lot of teens find it is helpful to:

  • Talk with their parents as adults and ask any questions they still have.
  • Engage in a new hobby or activity as a kind of new beginning.
  • Decorate a room, or even a corner, in their parent's new homes.
  • Contribute to whatever visitation schedule is worked out.
  • Ask both parents to continue visiting their schools, sports matches, plays, etc.
  • Agree to ground rules promoting respect and discussion.
  • Tell both parents that they will not act as spies or messengers for them.
  • Let parents know when they will feel comfortable meeting new partners.
Though it may not seem like it at first, there is a good chance that your parents' divorce or separation will bring calm and peace to your family. Rather than suffering through an intolerable situation, your parents have decided to take steps to change it. Deciding to divorce or separate is not an action that any parent would take lightly, and there is no reason to think that yours would have either.

Even if you don't understand it, trust that your parents' decision was made with you in mind. You don't have to enjoy it, but you do have to respect it and survive it. Good luck.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
My dad has been unhappy for as long as I could remember. I know he has issues growing up. His dad beat his mom , his dad died from Agent Orange when he was pretty young, he was diagnosed with hepatitis c and is just overall unhealthy. He also fights depression and has bad mood swings. My mom and him have been together for almost 20 years. And the whole time my mom has been waiting for him to show him affection like he did before they were married. She's now at the point where she can't take it anymore. She's giving up and is not trying to fix their relationship . If he doesn't try to fix something by the time I gtaduate Shes going to divorce him. I don't want that to happen cause I'm scared my dad my get more depressed and maybe even commit suicide . I want to figure out why my dad is so unhappy , and how I can try to help this situation and make their relationship work again. Any advice please !?
Nic - 25-Mar-15 @ 5:57 AM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • Rebecca
    Re: Coping with a Crush
    I have a crush on a family friend and it's so awkward because 1) he's my dad's friend's son, 2) I'm good friends with his younger sister, and…
    30 March 2017
  • TeenIssues
    Re: All about Abortion
    Anna - Your Question:I live in Northern Ireland I am 6 weeks pregnant , I want to arrange an abortion but I understand I need 2 signatures from…
    28 March 2017
  • TeenIssues
    Re: All about Abortion
    Rusty - Your Question:I'm not 100% certain I'm pregnant, but my period is late and my breasts are sore, I'm 16 and I cannot tell my parents. I…
    28 March 2017
  • Anna
    Re: All about Abortion
    I live in Northern Ireland I am 6 weeks pregnant , I want to arrange an abortion but I understand I need 2 signatures from my doctor, will they…
    27 March 2017
  • Ari
    Re: How to Deal with Pressure From Parents
    I'm 17..currently dealing with my grade 12. Well as I browsed through all the comments here,majority of them were…
    27 March 2017
  • Rusty
    Re: All about Abortion
    I'm not 100% certain I'm pregnant, but my period is late and my breasts are sore, I'm 16 and I cannot tell my parents.. I don't know how to buy…
    27 March 2017
  • MaiTai
    Re: Coping with a Crush
    @bon - if he wants to keep chatting to you then it's OK - go with it you've got nothing to lose.
    22 March 2017
  • bon
    Re: Coping with a Crush
    i mean him im a girl he is a boy my so called crush
    22 March 2017
  • bon
    Re: Coping with a Crush
    Hi i meet this my so called crush on fb im searching someones name and suddenly see his profile i got interested to him and finally i message…
    22 March 2017
  • Starcrushed
    Re: Coping with a Crush
    Hey! I'm looking for some advice.. There's this guy I really like and we are friends, I hang around with him most of the time because we have…
    17 March 2017
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the TeenIssues website. Please read our Disclaimer.