Home > Sex Issues > Losing Your Virginity

Losing Your Virginity

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 11 Jul 2018 | comments*Discuss
Sex having Sex deciding To Have Sex

Losing your virginity is a big decision. Not only must you be certain that you are emotionally ready to be with someone in this way but you must also be certain that you understand the risks associated with having sex such as contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and/or getting pregnant. You should also take your partner into account when you are considering losing your virginity, and be sure that you are both absolutely certain that you are ready to have sex. Unfortunately there are no easy checklists for working out if you are ready to lose your virginity, but if you find it hard to talk about sex with your partner, you find yourself blushing or giggling during discussions of sexuality, and/or you are unwilling to admit that you will need to protect yourself during sex then you are likely not ready to lose your virginity. If, however, you and your partner have discussed sex, you are both ready to explore safer sex options, and you fully understand possible consequences of your options then you may decide that you are ready to lose your virginity.

Safer Sex Considerations

If you do believe that you are ready to lose your virginity then remember that the only completely safe sex – 100% guaranteed not to lead to pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection (STI) such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea or HIV – is abstaining from sex completely. If you understand this and are willing to accept that there are risks associated with having sex, then make sure that you understand that there are ways to make sex safer, particularly by using a condom. A condom creates a physical barrier between people during oral, anal and vaginal sex so it can help keep infections from being spread. Unfortunately, condoms can be put on incorrectly, slip off during sex, and break. Condoms are also often used with lubricants, but lubricants with spermicide can have an adverse effect on condoms and should be avoided. STIs can also be transmitted during foreplay, so any areas of the body that have open wounds, sores or warts (such as fingers) should not come in contact with the genitals without at least a plaster covering the risky area.

Pregnancy is also a worry for anyone having sex, and again the only way to absolutely avoid getting pregnant is to abstain from sex. A variety of birth control methods exist which can minimise the risk of pregnancy, but not one of them is 100% effective 100% of the time. The contraceptive pill, contraceptive injections, contraceptives implants, intrauterine devices such as the coil, and diaphragms/caps are all common types of contraception that can be accessed from a GP or family planning clinic. Condoms can be bought at most chemists and used alone in or conjunction with another method of contraception. If you do have unprotected sex, or if an error occurs with your preferred method of contraception, then some types of emergency contraception are also available. An emergency contraceptive pill can be taken up to three days after unprotected sex, while an intrauterine device such as the coil can be fitted up to five days after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy from occurring. Emergency contraception pills can be prescribed by doctors or bought without a prescription at pharmacies. Any type of IUD will need to be fitted by a doctor or nurse.

Saying No

There’s no shame in waiting until you are ready to lose your virginity, but it can be hard to say no to sex if your partner seems more than willing to take this big step. First and foremost, remember that if someone loves you enough to want to make love with you, he or she should also respect you enough to wait until you are ready. Many teens feel pressured to have sex before they are ready, and though you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions you may feel that you want to discuss your feelings on the subject. More than anything, remember to be calm and direct if you choose to have this discussion. Very clearly state that you are not ready to have sex. Be prepared for questions such as when will you be ready, if you’re planning to remain a virgin until you are married, what you are willing to do with your romantic partner and/or do you truly care about your partner. If you have no answers for these questions, say so honestly. Ask your partner to give you the time and space you need to think about these things. It may not seem like it at the time, but if he or she is not willing to let you decide what is best for yourself then he or she is not worth worrying about anyway.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
@Syd - you don't have to ask your mum to be put in the pill. You can ask your doctor confidentially. It is the best form of contraception and the one that will put you at most ease. I have never trusted condoms fully.
KelN - 12-Jul-18 @ 10:05 AM
I’m 15 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 1 year. We are both ready, especially me. However, I’m just nervous of the risks, especially pregnancy. We will definitely use a condomn, but that should be enough, right? I definitely don’t want to ask my mom to be put on the pill.
Syd - 11-Jul-18 @ 10:29 AM
@tilly - do what feels right for you and definitely don't let yourself be rushed into anything.
Fliss - 14-May-18 @ 2:12 PM
i’m 15 and i’m with a bit but we have t been talking for long , we both have tiring feeling. for eachother and both feel ready and have discussed it however i feel as though people will judge me if we do it because they will probably find out, what should i do?
tilly - 11-May-18 @ 6:39 PM
@britty - you can decide when the time comes that your mind changes. There is no point worrying about things if you are still resolute about waiting.
daisy - 6-Mar-18 @ 3:13 PM
I'm sixteen and my boyfriend and I have been talking for four years now, I'm a virgin and I wanna stay a virgin until marriage, but what if my mind changes? I need some advice.
britty - 2-Mar-18 @ 7:57 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
(never shown)
(never shown)
(never shown)
(never shown)
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • Jt_.ly
    Re: Warning Signs of Self Harming
    Hi, my name is Jas. I’m in 6th grade and I’m 11 years old. Just about 3 weeks ago, I started cutting. I’ve been wanting to do so…
    26 March 2020
  • idk
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    I’m 14 my dad is really strict he doesn’t like me going out because he thinks I’ll get raped or assaulted by someone. he doesn’t like…
    23 March 2020
  • Abby
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    My parents are way too strict and its so embarrassing the way I get treated like a 10 year old when I am 15.It seems like I forever…
    9 March 2020
  • 1234
    Re: All about Abortion
    Hi I’m 14 nearly 15 and I’m almost a week late , I keep having cramps and very watery discharge with little blood in it I’m starting to think…
    2 March 2020
  • Keelan
    Re: Questionnaire: Are You Addicted to Social Networking Sites?
    Hello, My name is Keelan Spurrell and I am I 3rd year university student. I am currently…
    20 February 2020
  • Migz
    Re: Questionnaire: Are You Addicted to Social Networking Sites?
    Greetings, I am a Grade 10 student, of La Salle Green Hills, who is conducting a research…
    19 February 2020
  • honolulu
    Re: Teenage Pregnancy
    Hey I'm just 12 years old and I'm pregnant, but i don't care what the people say to me because I love my baby and my parents help me. I hope…
    17 February 2020
  • gina
    Re: How Can I Deal With My Over Protective Mum?
    I'm sorry about your dad, I have the same problem, but its my bestest friend. I totally get it, she thinks I'm…
    17 February 2020
  • tommygirl
    Re: Teenage Pregnancy
    Hey guys! I'm 13 years old and I'm pregnant with twins. I don't know what I should do but I'm searching for a baby sitter. Can you help me?
    17 February 2020
  • Claire.Benton
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    My parents are really strict. I never get any money and I basically cannot go out with friends anywhere. I am pressured to get…
    5 February 2020