Home > Mental Health > Getting Over an Abortion

Getting Over an Abortion

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 22 Jan 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Abortion Termination Pregnancy

Abortions can be emotionally trying events for anyone, but teens often feel upset after a termination and have the added pressure of feeling that no one will want to listen them or be able to help them.

This is simply untrue. Getting over an abortion will probably never be described as "easy" but it doesn't have to be impossible either. Talking to someone, seeking support from others and allowing yourself to grieve are all important steps for teens looking to move on after an abortion.

Talking To Someone

Talking to someone is one of the most important things you can do for yourself when you are trying to get back to your life after an abortion. If you feel that you can not confide in someone you know, like a teacher, guidance counsellor or other trusted adult, then you still have the option of contacting someone less personal. Relate counsellors (www.relate.org.uk) can help you figure out how you are dealing with your relationships while Brooks centres (www.brook.org.uk) offer free post-abortion counselling to those under 25.

The British Pregnancy Advisory Service (www.bpas.org) also offers women post abortion counselling at any time following the procedure. Often teens find that talking to someone completely removed from their day to day lives, not to mention those who are experienced in counselling in general and/or post abortion counselling in particular, helps them feel more comfortable about sharing their most serious concerns and worries.

Seeking Support From Others

Sometimes teens also find it worthwhile to be able to meet with those who have been in the same position after terminating a pregnancy. Joining a support group, either in person or online, offers the chance to connect with others and feel a little less alone. However, as some online groups may be unmoderated it is worth it to make sure that you thoroughly research who runs the group, who has access to the group and how member's privacy is protected. Alternatively, reading other people's experiences with abortion may help you feel less isolated and better supported as well. For example, Care Confidential (www.careconfidential.com) posts personal experiences and also allows readers to post their own if they feel so inclined.

Allowing Yourself To Grieve

Teens who try to ignore the impact that abortions have had on their lives often find that they only prolong emotional upsets, not avoid them completely. Instead of trying to ignore your thoughts and feelings allow yourself the proper time to grieve. You may feel sad about the procedure, about your relationships, about the life you once had or thought you would have, or you may be sad and not understand why you feel this way. Expressing these emotions, such as in writing, poems, songs or art, may help you ultimately work through them and come to better understand yourself in the process.

Getting over an abortion will not be easy, nor will it necessarily be quick. Don't feel bad about needing help to get through this time and don't feel shy about seeking the support you need.

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Alibushman - Your Question:
I'm 14 also and I've been having sex with my boyfriend aswell, we've been going out for more then a year but we only started having sex about 7 months ago. For the first few times he used a condom, but now he just "pulls out" aswell, I fell pregnant about 3 months ago. Now your probably thinking it was him forgetting to pull out, it wasn't. We thought this one time that he didn't pull out and I was pregnant but I still had my period following this. Then he got worried that we maybe couldn't have children and that would affect us in the future. Because of this we both agreed to try for a baby to see if I would get pregnant, and by no supprise, I did. At first I just ignored it, but eventually I went to my nurse at school and she swore in confidentiality (not telling anyone I didn't want to know) she suggested an abortion because of my age, but deep down me and my boyfriend wanted to keep it. We knew it wouldn't be ideal because of our age but we still wanted it. Eventually because of all the cons we both decided it would be most sensible to get an abortion, but without my parents knowing. Now I had my abortion on the 1st December 2016 and now it's the 22nd January 1017 and I still miss my baby. To be honest, it was the worst decision I've ever made and I want it back. Anyway it's too late, but after my abortion I got suggested to go on the pill. So now I'm still 14 and on the pill and all of this has happened to me without my parents, or anyone finding out.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Falling pregnant can affect our emotions massively, regardless of whether you intended to or not. That's why it is always advisable and sensible to take precautions unless you plan to have a child and/or it is practical to have a one. The fact you became pregnant so young and at the same time have had to keep your exerience confidential will undoubtedly be difficult for you, especially if you wanted to keep the baby. However, you both assessed all the 'cons' and came to a decision to have the termination. Of course it is going to affect you, it is only natural for your maternal instinct to have kicked in and now you are mourning the loss of what 'could have been'. Keeping the secret away from your parents is another heavy load for you to take on board and therefore talking to someone about this matter will be your best course of action. Taking the advice in the article will help you through this period. It is still early days for you and it will take time to come to terms with your decision - but it will happen. It will also enable you to put the experience into context so that when you are older and in a more practical/settled place in your life you can plan to have the child or children you so desire.
TeenIssues - 23-Jan-17 @ 10:38 AM
I'm 14 also and I've been having sex with my boyfriend aswell, we've been going out for more then a year but we only started having sex about 7 months ago. For the first few times he used a condom, but now he just "pulls out" aswell, I fell pregnant about 3 months ago. Now your probably thinking it was him forgetting to pull out, it wasn't. We thought this one time that he didn't pull out and I was pregnant but I still had my period following this. Then he got worried that we maybe couldn't have children and that would affect us in the future. Because of this we both agreed to try for a baby to see if i would get pregnant, and by no supprise, I did. At first I just ignored it, but eventually I went to my nurse at school and she swore in confidentiality (not telling anyone I didn't want to know) she suggested an abortion because of my age, but deep down me and my boyfriend wanted to keep it. We knew it wouldn't be ideal because of our age but we still wanted it. Eventually because of all the cons we both decided it would be most sensible to get an abortion, but without my parents knowing. Now I had my abortion on the 1st December 2016 and now it's the 22nd January 1017 and I still miss my baby. To be honest, it was the worst decision I've ever made and I want it back. Anyway it's too late, but after my abortion I got suggested to go on the pill. So now I'm still 14 and on the pill and all of this has happened to me without my parents, or anyone finding out.
Alibushman - 22-Jan-17 @ 12:40 AM
Haz - Your Question:
I am on the pill (microgynon) however Iv not been taking it at the same time everyday. Some times Iv been taking it at 12 at night some times at 7 at night, just not at the same time ever. Me and my boyfriend had sex on the last day of my pill then I stopped taking it and now I haven't come on my period which I never normally miss it. I know not taking it at the same time puts me at a high risk of pregnancy however I'm 3 days into not taking the pill now and still haven't come on. What shall I do I'm really panicking and worried? Is it definitely pregnancy?

Our Response:
If you are taking the pill, even though you are not taking it at the same time every day, as long as you are taking it every day then it is unlikely you are pregnant. Sometimes, even if we are taking the pill our periods can be irregular (especially if you have only just started taking the pill). Some contraceptive pills may not suit us, as they may bring on bleeding and spotting mid-cycle, or interrupt the cycle in other ways. Unless you have had unprotected sex before you started taking the pill or in the first week or so of taking it, then I shouldn't worry. I'm sure your period will come within the week, if not then you may wish to see your GP.
TeenIssues - 1-Sep-16 @ 2:26 PM
I am on the pill (microgynon) however Iv not been taking it at the same time everyday. Some times Iv been taking it at 12 at night some times at 7 at night, just not at the same time ever. Me and my boyfriend had sex on the last day of my pill then I stopped taking it and now I haven't come on my period which I never normally miss it . I know not taking it at the same time puts me at a high risk of pregnancy however I'm 3 days into not taking the pill now and still haven't come on. What shall I do I'm really panicking and worried? Is it definitely pregnancy?
Haz - 28-Aug-16 @ 10:17 AM
@rebecca_2000 - you really need to make sure that if you have sex, your boyfriend or you use protection or you can fall pregnant . There is no such thing as 'mouth aids', so you are safe there.
TeenIssues - 18-Mar-15 @ 2:20 PM
Hi.So me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 9 months and he asked me for sex about a month ago, we had sex but he forgot condoms, and I gave him a big wet slobbery blowjob and now I think I have mouth aids:/
rebecca_2000 - 16-Mar-15 @ 12:41 PM
@grapes14 - you definitely should not be having unprotected sex. I advise you to talk to your doctor or contact your nearest Brook Advisory Centre via the link here. I hope this helps.
TeenIssues - 4-Mar-15 @ 12:13 PM
I'm 14 and regularly have sex with my boyfriend, I know 14 seems a young age to be doing that but it wasn't a quick decision I made I felt ready to make it so I did and I wasn't pressured into sex by my boyfriend. We don't use condoms because he feels like it's not as enjoyable, although he does always 'pull out' when he feels like he's going to cum Im still scared I could get pregnant. I thought I was before but luckily I wasnt, I really want to go on the pill but I know if I ask my mom she'll get suspicious and suspect it's for sexual reasons, which obviously it is but I don't want her to know that. Is there any ways I could get the pill without her knowing or finding out??
grapes14 - 2-Mar-15 @ 1:19 AM
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