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Coping with a Crush

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 22 Mar 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Crush crushes crushing relationships

Like their first kiss and their first love, most people can remember any number of details about their first real "crush." The butterflies in their stomachs, the dry mouths, the sweaty palms, the racing hearts - it may all sound gross, but these symptoms are exhilarating when you get to pair up with your crush for a science experiment, sit next to your crush on the bus or (the crème de la crème of crush-dom), manage to eat a whole lunch by your crush's side. Unfortunately, the title "crush" is apt as it is very easy to be crushed if you find out that (s)he does not return your affections. Don't be crushed by a crush! Instead, follow these tips for moving on and moving up to someone who deserves your special attention.

Defining a Crush

A crush, unlike a relationship, is not a two-way street. Often you'll realize that you feel a strong attraction to someone you barely know, for reasons you barely understand, and that this, in all of its glory, is a crush.

Signs of a Killer Crush

Even if you know better, falling hard for a crush can be unavoidable. Signs of a killer crush include:

  • Wanting to be near your crush, even if you don't know his/her name, and (s)he wouldn't know yours.
  • Wanting to find out as much as you can about your crush and searching for clues to "prove" your compatibility.
  • Changing your habits or schedules to coincide with those of your crush.
  • Feeling embarrassed or flustered when your crush pays attention to you.
  • Reacting nervously when you are physically close to your crush.
  • Obsessing for hours about a hypothetical future with your crush.

Coping with a Crush

Living with a crush isn't easy, in fact it's hard work. Having a crush makes it hard to concentrate, it makes it hard to eat and it especially makes it hard to sleep, even if you are hoping to meet up with your crush somewhere in your dreams. To make sure that the rest of your life doesn't fall apart for the duration of your crush,

  • Confess your crush to your friends and ask them to distract you.
  • Throw yourself into schoolwork to make sure you don't fall behind (and who knows, maybe by standing out you'll catch your crush's attention).
  • Take up a hobby that will get you out of the house and get you moving.
  • Give yourself enough time alone to fantasize about your crush, but don't let it interfere with your real life.
Living with a crush can be a wonderful, magical, painful, torturous time. Allow yourself to enjoy the frivolity of a crush, but don't let your feelings override your common sense. Don't risk your safety, or your reputation, in order to get your crush's attention, and forget about your true friends and relationships. In other words, don't irrevocably change your life for a crush that will likely disappear as quickly as it began. Ride it out, enjoy it, and let it die its natural death.

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Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
@bon - if he wants to keep chatting to you then it's OK - go with it you've got nothing to lose.
MaiTai - 22-Mar-17 @ 2:10 PM
i mean him im a girl he is a boymy so called crush
bon - 22-Mar-17 @ 7:21 AM
Hi i meet this my so called crush on fb im searching someones name and suddenly see his profile i got interested to him and finally i message her at fb because i know im brave enough to confess but i tell her i idolize her not saying that he is my crush what would i do i think i like her a lot but i dont know him in person should i continue talking with him? its really awkward but i think im starting to love him what to do please help me im 18
bon - 22-Mar-17 @ 7:16 AM
Hey! I'm looking for some advice.. There's this guy I really like and we are friends, I hang around with him most of the time because we have the same friendship groups.. I really like him and I don't know how to ask him out.. I'm absolutely terrified and I know he's going to say no.. What should I do?
Starcrushed - 17-Mar-17 @ 3:47 PM
@Voquev - just being yourself is always the best approach. People always know if you're trying to impress them and it is impossible to keep up, so by doing that you would have been setting a false precedent. It's a good thing that your thoughts of her have dragged you away from gaming - what sort of life can you ever lead from behind a computer screen? You don't say if you are still friends - but just ask her if wants to hang out - just as mates. Being natural is your best option and if you don't want anything more from her than to be mates then you've nothing to lose.
PrinnyP - 16-Mar-17 @ 1:44 PM
Okay, so I have known this one girl for 6 months now. I am SUPER into her, and for the first 3 months or so I tried to impress her. I'm a shy person, so I never asked for her phone number or anything, I just started changing everything in my life to do things that would impress her, in hopes that she would open up to me. Unfortunetally, that didn't happen, so I ended up stopping all my efforts to impress her and attempted to return to living my life without her. For about 2 months now I've been desperately trying to forget about her, but nothing has worked. Before I met her I was an avid gamer, but now I don't get nearly as much enjoyment out of playing. I don't know whether she likes me or not, but regardless I know I'll never actually approach her. It's strange, I don't want to date her or anything, I just want to be aquaintences. I wish I could live my old life and enjoy it. Any tips? Thanks
Voquev - 16-Mar-17 @ 3:02 AM
@Charlo lotter - crushes are great! They make you feel alive and give you hope and optimism.Watch plenty of romcoms, be in the moment and get carried away. Enjoy your crush and speak to your crush to see if he feels the same :) Beth.
LizzyBeth - 15-Feb-17 @ 3:03 PM
Thanks and my story goes like,: I have crush on someone, I met him at the campus ..I don't know his name and from the first time I saw him I never stopped thinking about him,whenever I meet him my heart skips beats and I always feel nervous... The part of me wants to tell him how I feel and another part of me wants him to stay in the past and never think of him....help me because the guy stole my heart,my attention, concentration and my mind and am getting carried away Thanks
Charlo lotter - 11-Feb-17 @ 9:34 PM
@Hopeless13 - so you should just be brave and talk to him. You might find that you don't actually like him when you do. It ruined one of my crushes once because I thought I liked this boy and then when I spoke to him he was a real arrogant *&^% and I went off him straight away. It stopped me wasting loads of time thinking about him <3
Elle2000 - 27-Jan-17 @ 2:45 PM
So, the guy i like is in only one of my classes, never talks to me nor do i talk to him, and i bet he dosent even know i exist, but i can never stop thinking about him and whenever im near him i can never think straight. I want to go up and start talking to him but im super shy and we are both super awkward, i really dont know what to do. Should i just continue just trying to get over the crush or should i try to make something happen? i keep saying to myself that if something is supposed it happen it will but i just dont know anymore.
Hopeless13 - 27-Jan-17 @ 9:00 AM
J4key - Your Question:
Hey, so there is this one girl who I have a crush on. However, the problem is that I don't want to date anyone right now. I am very busy with school and sports and I know that if I were in a relationship it would mess my life up. I keep telling myself this, yet I keep thinking about her all the time and I get nervous whenever I see her around. I want to be able to forget about her or anyone else for that matter and to move on with life, but it's hard. I see her everday at school, so avoiding her isn't an option.Any suggestions? Thanks

Our Response:
You will find that throughout much of your life these are the things that are sent to test us. It very much comes down to what your priorities are and/or whether you want a work/life balance. You will find later on that we all have to juggle the things we want, i.e; relationships and children, work, fun. However, as you will get older you'll find that some people can happily manage to do all things, some prefer work and some people concentrate on purely having fun. The measure is; what type of person you want to be? If you want to concentrate on your schooling badly enough and don't want to be affected by this girl, then this will eventually win over. But if you think you can manage both having a possible girlfriend and still do your schoolwork, then the choice is yours (assuming your crush likes you as much as you like her). The thing is to let your decisions develop naturally, and you will eventually go with the right one for you, and without having to do very much at all.
TeenIssues - 24-Jan-17 @ 2:39 PM
Also, continuing from before, this is really stressing me out. It's gotten to the point that for a about a month now I've been not exactly stressing over her, but stressing about over the fact that I can't stop thinking about her. This is definitally my worst problem right now (I know, I'm so spoiled), and I feel like there is now way for me to move on. I've spent so much time recently thinking about this problem that I feel like I'll never forget about it. Maybe I'm overanalyzing this, but it really sucks. All I want is to move on with life.
J4key - 24-Jan-17 @ 3:24 AM
Hey, so there is this one girl who I have a crush on. However, the problem is that I don't want to date anyone right now. I am very busy with school and sports and I know that if I were in a relationship it would mess my life up. I keep telling myself this, yet I keep thinking about her all the time and I get nervous whenever I see her around. I want to be able to forget about her or anyone else for that matter and to move on with life, but it's hard. I see her everday atschool, so avoiding her isn't an option. Any suggestions? Thanks
J4key - 24-Jan-17 @ 12:11 AM
Dear AlexlovesSophia, Have you told this girl(Sophia?) that you like her? If not then try talking to her about anything, even about her weekend. Try to ask questions to find out more about her or let her go in front of you. Do you see each other out side of swimming class? Do you go to the same school? Do you even know her last name? Don't be afraid! Hope this helps??
CherryCrush - 22-Jan-17 @ 9:38 AM
There is this girl in my swimming class who is like 12 and I think she likes me. I really like her but whenever she cracks a joke it kinda feels awkward. Now the register has changed so she is last and I am first. I really like her but I have no idea about what to do. WHAT DO I DO???
AlexlovesSophia - 21-Jan-17 @ 9:23 AM
flushedNblushed - Your Question:
So I have a crush on a guy the same age as me (or thereabouts, he's nearly 18 I am 18) and I just got out of a relationship. I know a lot of other guys also have crushes on him and in my panicked desperation for affection before he started dating anyone else I told him I had a crush on him, we were always close and affectionate anyway, because that's what our whole friendship group is just like. It's been a couple weeks now and at the time he said he wasn't mentally able to be in a relationship, but we still talk in the same way we did before, regularly and showing affection. I even try to flirt sometimes although it's really subtle and he hasn't seemed to notice it. do you think there's a possibility he likes me or am I just way too hopeful

Our Response:
If your crush has told you he is unable (for whatever reason) to be in a relationship, then you have to respect this. This is not to say he might not reconsider, but it saves you from holding out hope. Often, when we want someone badly our perception becomes disorientated and we think how can they possibly NOT want us, even if they have said they don't. However, the best way to keep your emotions in perspective is to take on board and digest his words. It's great that you can be open and honest with each other and it is equally great that you can remain close friends and there is no awkwardness between you. So keep on doing what you are doing and if you are relaxed about the situation, then if anything is going to develop it will naturally. However, at the same time it is important that you keep yourself open to meeting other guys that may be wanting that 'something more'. Good luck!
TeenIssues - 19-Jan-17 @ 2:35 PM
so I have a crush on a guy the same age as me (or thereabouts, he's nearly 18 I am 18) and I just got out of a relationship. i know a lot of other guys also have crushes on him and in my panicked desperation for affection before he started dating anyone else I told him I had a crush on him, we were always close and affectionate anyway, because that's what our whole friendship group is just like. It's been a couple weeks now and at the time he said he wasn't mentally able to be in a relationship, but we still talk in the same way we did before, regularly and showing affection. I even try to flirt sometimes although it's really subtle and he hasn't seemed to notice it. do you think there's a possibility he likes me or am I just way too hopeful
flushedNblushed - 19-Jan-17 @ 12:59 AM
ariellab - Your Question:
Hi, I hope you or anyone sees this and helps me, cause I really need some guidance. So my crush is a girl, and I'm a girl too, but I know for a fact that she's into girls too. So, she used to come to me, she knew my name and I didn't even know she existed. She'd come to me and say sweet stuff all the time, telling me to smile and whatnot. That is when I developed a crush on her. And then suddenly she started ignoring me, not look at me ob purpose, talk to someone next to me and doesn't even bother looking at me at all. And before that, I saw her with one of my ex friends. I don't know, perhaps she heard something about me or she just decided that she shouldnt bother with me anymore. please tell me what to do. I catch her staring at me and when I look she looks away and act all mad or like distracted with something in front of her

Our Response:
The best way to sort out any issue with a person is to communicate with them. If she was talking to you previously and now she is ignoring you, the next time she turns away and is distracted you may wish to ask her if you have done something to offend her, or say 'hey, why don't you talk to me anymore?' Maybe she has just gone shy because maybe she has a crush on you too, or maybe she's playing a game and now she feels you are interested is backing off. These are two extremes with many variant explanations in between. However, if you want to try and find out, the only way you will find out will be to strike up communication and ask her directly. I hope this helps - good luck.
TeenIssues - 18-Jan-17 @ 10:44 AM
Hi, i hope you or anyone sees this and helps me, cause i really need some guidance. So my crush is a girl, and I'm a girl too, but I know for a fact that she's into girls too. So, she used to come to me, she knew my name and I didn't even know she existed. She'd come to me and say sweet stuff all the time, telling me to smile and whatnot. That is when I developed a crush on her. And then suddenly she started ignoring me, not look at me ob purpose, talk to someone next to me and doesn't even bother looking at me at all. And before that, I saw her with one of my ex friends. I don't know, perhaps she heard something about me or she just decided that she shouldnt bother with me anymore.. please tell me what to do. I catch her staring at me and when i look she looks away and act all mad or like distracted with something in front of her
ariellab - 17-Jan-17 @ 12:51 PM
Dear CherryCrush, He probably wants to be friends but maybe some thing more. Maybe there's an awkward pause or something because he wants to tell you something or I could be compleatly over-readingthis. Does he wink at you? That would be an obvious sign that he likes you. Does he look shy? Does he ask lots of questions so that he can talk to you? Hope this kind of helped.
Seriously - 9-Jan-17 @ 5:15 PM
Hey ElizaD, How old are you? If you're around 12 then he could want to be friends and nothing more. From a boys perspective, if your around 15 then maybe some thing more. Occasionally it can be the other way round but...not really. First, before getting his attention, decide if you want to be friends or something more. Also ,no offence, but maybe some of your jokes just weren't funny.
Seriously - 9-Jan-17 @ 5:07 PM
I have had my first crush. I am friends with cherrycrush and I have talked with her about it. He is my brothers friend and I rarely ever see him. When I do though, I can't really be normal and when I crack a joke, he either laughs way to much or just ignores me. I really want to get his attention and become friends but I never or barely ever get to see him. What do I do??
ElizaD - 6-Jan-17 @ 7:59 PM
This is my first crush and I don't really know what to do. I go to the same swimming club as him and he just acts like my friend but he laughs a bit too much at my jokes and I some times catch him looking at me and he smiles so I smile back. I really like them but have no clue what do now, WHAT DO I DO???
CherryCrush - 5-Jan-17 @ 7:35 PM
@Nicky - listen to your friends, if he has a reputation you don't really want to get mixed up with him as you might become another to add to his list. You should know by his attitude, if he's cocky and arrogant and loves himself, then you can be pretty sure he's not going to love you. I'd try to find someone that fits you as a person and that you know is going to treat you right. So, if you have doubts, keep away. KT
KatieT <3 - 5-Dec-16 @ 1:58 PM
Over the weekend, i've been to 2 parties without knowing my primary crush would be there. I got there not knowing he was there and everything kinda just changed. During the 2 parties he'd glimpse at me every now and then, and i'd do the same. Though being in the same small space with him and other friends just got really awkward, so i obviously tried to avoid any situations similar.I've begun to like him again, but he has changed, his appearance and his personality too. I've told my close friends but they keep telling me bad things about him and how he had changed in that way and basically become a f*ckboy. I don't know what to do, i just really like him again though i just don't know what to do. I really need some professional advice. Please help.
Nicky - 4-Dec-16 @ 11:22 PM
LilySparkles - Your Question:
I have this crush, and all my friends think he likes me, and he is doing quite a bit to be around me, but both of us are really shy, so neither of us want to be the one who makes the first move, and I'm really scared if he doesn't like me. what do I do?But to make matters worse, one of my guy friends (who wears his heart on his sleeve) has started following me around, and he makes it SO obvious that he likes me, but now everybody (mabe including my crush?! ??)thinks we're going out but I only think of him in a friend way.HELP! ??

Our Response:
It's always a tricky and frustrating process when you think your crush may get the wrong idea and a situation may be misconstrued. You might want to ask one of your trusted and close girl friends to drop it into the conversation that you are not actually going out with your male friend. Your girl friend may also drop into the conversation that you prefer your crush - this means that if both of you are too shy to say anything, then at least you can say it through someone else. At the same time, you have to be sensitive to your male friend, who obviously has a crush on you and is obviously going to feel deflated when he finds out you like someone else. Good luck!
TeenIssues - 30-Nov-16 @ 12:02 PM
I have this crush, and all my friends think he likes me, and he is doing quite a bit to be around me, but both of us are really shy, so neither of us want to be the one who makes the first move, and I'm really scared if he doesn't like me... what do I do? But to make matters worse, one of my guy friends (who wears his heart on his sleeve) has started following me around, and he makes it SO obvious that he likes me, but now everybody (mabe including my crush?! ??)thinks we're going out but I only think of him in a friend way. HELP! ??
LilySparkles - 29-Nov-16 @ 4:55 PM
lost - Your Question:
Okay so I think I like this guy. but im not sure. when I talk to him we talk fairly normally, but when im not with him I fantasize a lot about our "future", and experience other crush symptoms (go out of my way and change my habits to see him or have opportunities to talk to him). he's always been very kind to me, he compliments me on things like my hair, or outfits, small things like that. I keep going through a cycle where I think he likes me, or I think he doesnt and its driving me crazy. I feel like I cant tell anyone about it because a lot of my friends are close enough to him that it could leak. Also, I just met him this school year and don't know him that well. I managed to tell two people that I trust a lot about this whole situation and one of them said that he is pretty outgoing and would probably just tell me if he liked me, the other says that he likes me because he does little things for me, they're hard to describe. one time he stayed after school, voluntarily, to keep me company. im so confused. idk if hes just not saying anything because he knows I wont be able to date until im 16, or if hes just not interested.btw we're both 15 and I'm female

Our Response:
It is always difficult to decifer whether a person likes you and sees you as more than a friend, or whether they are just being friendly. As we get older we begin to recognise the signs a bit more, but at 15 the signs can be muted. By what you are saying it seems he 'could' like you as more than a friend, especially if he is complimenting you on the way you look, which means he is taking notice of your appearance and he obviously also wishes to spend time with you. I can only suggest you let it take its course naturally. When we are younger we want things to happen quickly, as we get older we tend to pace ourselves a bit more and are willing to let situations develop naturally. Therefore, I can only suggest you let the situation develop at its own pace, while at the same time being receptive to suggestions of hanging out together. You too can make suggestions too in order to test the water. It can be scary for boys as they too don't know whether they are judging the situation correctly, so if you like him, a bit of subtle encouragement from you will help. But, if you're not allowed to date him until you are 16, then you have plenty of time to get to know him first as a friend.
TeenIssues - 28-Nov-16 @ 10:54 AM
okay so i think i like this guy... but im not sure. when i talk to him we talk fairly normally, but when im not with him i fantasize a lot about our "future", and experience other crush symptoms (go out of my way and change my habits to see him or have opportunities to talk to him). he's always been very kind to me, he compliments me on things like my hair, or outfits, small things like that. i keep going through a cycle where i think he likes me, or i think he doesnt and its driving me crazy. i feel like i cant tell anyone about it because a lot of my friends are close enough to him that it could leak. Also, i just met him this school year and don't know him that well. i managed to tell two people that i trust a lot about this whole situation and one of them said that he is pretty outgoing and would probably just tell me if he liked me, the other says that he likes me because he does little things for me, they're hard to describe. one time he stayed after school, voluntarily, to keep me company. im so confused. idk if hes just not saying anything because he knows i wont be able to date until im 16, or if hes just not interested. btw we're both 15 and i'm female
lost - 27-Nov-16 @ 3:46 AM
Secret - Your Question:
I have this crush on this guy I've known him for 7 months (he is very shy) but I have liked him from I met him but he always gave me signals he likes me! We would be on the swings at the park and he would be staring at me smiling or he would always tease me about a boy or he would go all quiet if any of my guy friends come down almost like he's jealous, but last night I told him how I felt and he turned around and said he likes my best mate ??So who does he like? How do I cope with this? Plz help me

Our Response:
It's never easy to be able to assess whether someone likes you as a friend or feels more for you, especially when you are young. As you mature, so lessons learned and previous experience will allow you to trust your basic instincts more. That said, we can all make mistakes and get it wrong even late on in life. If this boy has said he likes your best friend, then you have to take it on board that he is telling the truth. The positive thing is (although it may not seem like a positive thing currently), is that at least you know and you can move on with that information. It's often better than living in hope and living with a crush. I know it must feel like your world has currently imploded, but at your age there WILL be a new crush around the corner and plenty more in addition This boy obviously likes you, but this time it may just be as a friend.
TeenIssues - 2-Nov-16 @ 2:26 PM
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    i mean him im a girl he is a boy my so called crush
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