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Coping with a Crush

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 3 Nov 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Crush crushes crushing relationships

Like their first kiss and their first love, most people can remember any number of details about their first real "crush." The butterflies in their stomachs, the dry mouths, the sweaty palms, the racing hearts - it may all sound gross, but these symptoms are exhilarating when you get to pair up with your crush for a science experiment, sit next to your crush on the bus or (the crème de la crème of crush-dom), manage to eat a whole lunch by your crush's side. Unfortunately, the title "crush" is apt as it is very easy to be crushed if you find out that (s)he does not return your affections. Don't be crushed by a crush! Instead, follow these tips for moving on and moving up to someone who deserves your special attention.

Defining a Crush

A crush, unlike a relationship, is not a two-way street. Often you'll realize that you feel a strong attraction to someone you barely know, for reasons you barely understand, and that this, in all of its glory, is a crush.

Signs of a Killer Crush

Even if you know better, falling hard for a crush can be unavoidable. Signs of a killer crush include:

  • Wanting to be near your crush, even if you don't know his/her name, and (s)he wouldn't know yours.
  • Wanting to find out as much as you can about your crush and searching for clues to "prove" your compatibility.
  • Changing your habits or schedules to coincide with those of your crush.
  • Feeling embarrassed or flustered when your crush pays attention to you.
  • Reacting nervously when you are physically close to your crush.
  • Obsessing for hours about a hypothetical future with your crush.

Coping with a Crush

Living with a crush isn't easy, in fact it's hard work. Having a crush makes it hard to concentrate, it makes it hard to eat and it especially makes it hard to sleep, even if you are hoping to meet up with your crush somewhere in your dreams. To make sure that the rest of your life doesn't fall apart for the duration of your crush,

  • Confess your crush to your friends and ask them to distract you.
  • Throw yourself into schoolwork to make sure you don't fall behind (and who knows, maybe by standing out you'll catch your crush's attention).
  • Take up a hobby that will get you out of the house and get you moving.
  • Give yourself enough time alone to fantasize about your crush, but don't let it interfere with your real life.
Living with a crush can be a wonderful, magical, painful, torturous time. Allow yourself to enjoy the frivolity of a crush, but don't let your feelings override your common sense. Don't risk your safety, or your reputation, in order to get your crush's attention, and forget about your true friends and relationships. In other words, don't irrevocably change your life for a crush that will likely disappear as quickly as it began. Ride it out, enjoy it, and let it die its natural death.

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[Add a Comment]
@Aleeya - gosh - that must be difficult with twins and if you can't differentiate! Becs.
B<3 - 11-Sep-17 @ 2:31 PM
The worst thing is that I'm going to need to leave my school and go back to my own country soon.. Dating him in a long distance relationship may be difficult and might change my heart and break his heart as well so I'm scared... I have no choice but to leave the country soon.. I hate myself because all these are making my life miserable and if I make him involved.. His life would be just as bad...
Aleeya - 10-Sep-17 @ 8:02 PM
My crush is a year older than me, so I don't bump into them often at school since different grades and years has differently class and break timings. And yes, I said them. I've always has different crushes, some which already knew my interest in them but I tend to move on because I'm slightly impatient, but this time there's a boy.. I can't differentiate between him and his twin but I'd have to guess according to their personalities. I don't know his name but he was the only crush that made my heart dropped inside me and made me going mad for days and days.. ONLY... I've always hated school and I don't really have desperate needs to see my friends often but he was the one I was excited to see, each day in the morning, during break and after school. AGHH!! Thanks to him, all I do everyday is smile at the thought of him...
Aleeya - 10-Sep-17 @ 7:56 PM
@Peetshes - I am sort of in the same situation as you. Except I've never asked him out. I'm no expert or anything, but when he said "no," how did he say it?? Did he laugh while he said it, or did he look serious? Was he looking into your eyes, at the ground, someone else, etc.? Also, when he acts around his friends and the other girl, is it different from how he acts towards you?
MagicalFruits - 23-Jul-17 @ 4:40 AM
@Meme - the fact he's 15 and you are 13 is a big age difference. He might like you......but will he cross the age divide? Boys in my school don't go out with girls two years younger even if they fancy them. He might like you a lot - but he might not ask you out because you are too young. That's the only problem I can see.
Rose00 - 10-Jul-17 @ 1:54 PM
This was before my crush got a girlfriend. Once this guy asked me out (and stroked my head twice?)I told my sister and she said I'm so gonna tell him (twister guy) that a guy asked you out he'll be really jealous or beat him up (because of the stroking)or both. now twister guy has a pretty thin and fragile build but I know he could take someone down if he had to not that he is that kind of guy. Also something really weird happened I was sitting next to my sister she was talking to her friends including him and I had had a drug talk I found quite interesting and joked I would want to try them and he messed the group chat and said if caity really wants weed or whatever I'll give it to her. one of them said dude she is 12 wtf(I was 12 then)another said lol, bet she actually already has some (I don't) my sister was like no just no it's time to stop then he replied but she is good but srsly if she does tell me. Ahhhhhh I'm pretty sure he smokes too not that it bothers me I like him either way. He is a good guy :) and I know he cares about me. The other of the guys in the group is like an actual brother to me he is easier to talk to about my problems bc my sister can sometimes be pretty blunt about situations.its nice to have an older brother figure I've always wanted an older brother sometimes he even teases me about crushes *clears throat* his gf is also really sweet. Anyways my crush is going into year 11 this year and me into year 9 should I give up on him? I really like him like so much. I know he holds some sort of feelings towards me I just wish I had told him about the crush when I had a chance :( thanks for reading it means a lot for someone to listen
Meme - 8-Jul-17 @ 9:54 AM
This could take a while... - so my sister has this friend they've been friends for about 5 months and I really really like him like my day is horrible if I don't see him. He is 15 and I just turned 13 my sister and her friends are the 'emo kids' so am I so the other guy in their friend group when he slept over at ours he said let's call him twister guy (our nickname for him) he won at twister 8 times in a row) had an obsession over me it might be weird but it made me happy that he acknowledges me. My 2 best friends know about the crush and my sister I think. so at the start of school everyone meets up and talks including me if my friends aren't there. He ALWAYS say hi to me at school in the morning after school whenever I walk into the room. After school when everyone was talking he said bye to me then he said I love you I'll miss you. (He has done this twice).my sister and her closest friend laughed at him and my sister even did an impression of him saying it. I always catch him staring at me. Will continue in pt 2
Meme - 8-Jul-17 @ 9:13 AM
so i had this crush at the start of the year, i really liked him and thought him amazing even though i knew it would never happen, he is a jock, and uses girls like water, yet i was still blinded. half way through year i thought i was over him, and i had changed friendship groups, so they had realised i had a crush, and i ended up telling them. big mistake. they were fine at hte begining but they get on well with him, and i don't, i argue with him a hell of a lot, and to make matters worse i'm in the same form as him. i can't study well when i'm around him, and struggle to focus, and my friends tease me quite a bit, it's sooo annoying, i can't help who i like, right? i have no chance with him, and i know it, but when i look at him i fall harder, how do i get over someone who was never mine? i laugh and smile, and he will stare at me, and then he will turn away and act like nothing happened. he is on my social media and views tons of photos of me, and then acts like he it never happened, it's so hard to cope with, especially as he flirts with my friends, and i suspect he has a crush on my friend! what am i meant to do? i love him, i hate him, how on earth do i cope?
Carla - 3-Jun-17 @ 4:29 PM
@MagicalFruits - it sounds as though he likes you especially if he was staring at you. But it depends on what way he was staring at you - as there is a difference between stares :)
SurferGirl - 17-May-17 @ 12:35 PM
Okay, I have had a crush on this guy for a little over 2 years. About two months ago, I realized that we probably won't be good together. So, I found a video that was suppose to help me get over him. It didn't really work, because my feelings were still strong. I was sent to the class he was in along with some of my friends, but the three of us got separated, and I was of course sitting across from him. Anyways, we were testing. And a friend of mine who is in the same class that the guy I like is in, was sitting next to me. I quietly said hello to her. A little into the testing, I noticed that my crush was staring at me, I didn't look at him directly, but I casually looked at him pretending to run my fingers through my hair. In my head, I was thinking, "Why is he looking at me??" (By the way, when I met him, I thought of him as a friend. But a few months after I realized I had developed feelings for him.)When my friend had finished testing, she saw him looking at me. She whispered to me, "He's staring at you." And that time, I looked at him. He continued staring at me when he I saw him. I began feeling nervous. I was shaking like crazy! I couldn't handle him staring at me anymore because I felt my feelings returning. And since that day, I couldn't get rid of my crush on him. My friends think that he likes me, but I honestly doubt it. Please help!
MagicalFruits - 13-May-17 @ 4:22 AM
Vishnu - Your Question:
I am 18 years old. I have a crush on my professor but he is engaged. Still I can't control my feelings. Whenever I see him I just fall for him. I am making him uncomfortable. But I don't know what to do. But not a single minute of my life goes without his thought. I have a hopeless crush on him. How can I come out of it???Please reply fast.

Our Response:
Many young people have crushes on their teachers, lecturers or professors. But, it is against the law for teachers and pupils to have relations and to do so is a sackable offence, so you have to know your crush is not going to turn into a reality. That doesn't mean you cannot continue to enjoy dreaming and fantasising about your crush. But, if your are going to have a relationship with someone - it is better for you to have a relationship with someone who is actually available. Leave your crush to your daydreams. Those daydreams will soon wear off when you realise your crush is not accessible.
TeenIssues - 12-May-17 @ 11:15 AM
I am 18 years old. I have a crush on my professor but he is engaged. Still I can't control my feelings. Whenever I see him I just fall for him. I am making him uncomfortable. But I don't know what to do. But not a single minute of my life goes without his thought. I have a hopeless crush on him. How can I come out of it??? Please reply fast....
Vishnu - 11-May-17 @ 3:01 PM
@ggirly - ask one of your friends to help you out. That's what friends are for ;)
Maxi03 - 24-Apr-17 @ 12:42 PM
Hey I hope you guys see this because this is a BIG issue. I have a crush on this guy since last year and I can't get over it! I ask my friends to help me but they don't like me ranting on about my crush all the time and their tips aren't helpful. The guy I like is really good at singing and acting and really hot. We had a class together last year but not this year. He doesn't notice me at all, probably doesn't know I exist, and I don't even know if he knows my name! I'm also too shy to talk to him. He's also a foot taller than me so there's no way he'll even notice me. Anyways, I really need help with this and please give me tips on how to get home to notice me!!!!!!!
ggirly - 23-Apr-17 @ 8:44 PM
So there was this boy and me and him were the best on friends. He was hilarious and over time I developed I really deep crush on him. So one day I invited him over to a party with my other friends and in the end it was just me and him. So I got a popsicle and he also got up and got ice cream. Then I sat on the couch and when he sat down too he wrapped a blanket around both of us and got reallllly close to me. That was the best day of my life when the next day at school he started bullying m e and he talked to everybody but me. He took my best friend away and I was heartbroken. Now we never talk, but I still love him. What do i do?
CallMeJules - 22-Apr-17 @ 2:32 AM
I've just turned 13 and I've always thought I was far too young to have a 'relationship' with a boy, I felt like it wouldn't mean anything because we were so young and I've had small crushes in the past but I've never acted on it because I knew it wasn't really love I was feeling because I am too young to experience those emotions. However, there is this new kid who has recently moved to my school and he's really funny, smart and cute. I think he's my first real crush and I'm really worried. He's only at school for the last two classes and a full day on Friday, I'm not in any of his classes, which makes it twice as hard for him to realise I'm alive. I recently found out he just got a girlfriend but she is in some of my classes and she's awful. I've never liked her and she tries to make my life hell. She's really moody and always thinks she's higher up than us all. I want him to be happy but she's just a snob. He is really friendly with my classmates and I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I just want him to realise i exist. Help??!
Umhelp - 13-Apr-17 @ 8:58 PM
Torn2121 - Your Question:
Hi, im in sixth grade and theres this girl in one of my classes that I cant stop thinking of her shes in almost every single thought and I cant handle it! She was in my last trimester and thats when my crush on her started and since then my mind has been tahing a mental beating of her being in almost every thought and shes so cool and charimsic yet intoxicating to think of and I havent told any one and gossip spreads like wildfire at my school and will do me no good. I want to still be her friend but the thoughts make it impossible and another thing is that sometimes I stay up late andlisten to classic rock and a lot of the lyrics revolve around love and its not helping at all also every second im not in her aura I sm left with the thoughts. I just need some tips to help me cope with the thoughts.

Our Response:
In addition to the tips in the article (which really answer your question) it is about finding a balance. You don't want to deny the crush, it's part of human nature and it is one of the nicest feelings we are lucky to experience as human beings. But it's also one of the most torturous and when it is in full flow, it can take up so much time (so much that we end up getting fed up of it). The fact is you are growing up and this is part of it, as we get older we tend to be able to rationalise these feelings more and can compartmentalise them. Your crush will abate, in the meantime enjoy spending time with her and try to remember that she is just a person too and will have her bad points as well as her good ones, just like me and you. As long as it doesn't affect your schoolwork, you should try to relax into it and enjoy it while you can.
TeenIssues - 6-Apr-17 @ 2:08 PM
Hi, im in sixth grade and theres this girl in one of my classes that i cant stop thinking of her shes in almost every single thought and i cant handle it! She was in my last trimester and thats when my crush on her started and since then my mind has been tahing a mental beating of her being in almost every thought and shes so cool and charimsic yet intoxicating to think of and i havent told any one and gossip spreads like wildfire at my school and will do me no good. I want to still be her friend but the thoughts make it impossible and another thing is that sometimes i stay up late andlisten to classic rock and a lot of the lyrics revolve around love and its not helping at all also every second im not in her aura i sm left with the thoughts... i just need some tips to help me cope with the thoughts.
Torn2121 - 6-Apr-17 @ 4:30 AM
@Ashley - It's always the same, the person we don't like likes us and the person we like is not interested in us. There's nothing we can do about it - we just have to suck it up. We can't force 'chemistry'. Somewhere out there there's a person that you will like and that will like you in return.
Poppy - 5-Apr-17 @ 1:53 PM
@CherryCrush - sounds to me like he likes you! Smile back - hang out with him more.
Poppy - 5-Apr-17 @ 11:06 AM
I have liked this guy for a couple years now and he is always Talks to me. The thing is I know who he likes and it's not me.I have tried to get over it but I just can't. How do I deal with this please reply!
Ashley - 5-Apr-17 @ 1:16 AM
Hi I like a guy and I don't know what to do. I've only told 2 of my friends because the others ship him and me and I don't wanna make it weird. He also hangs around with this other girl and I don't know if they like each other or not. Every time I talk to him, I regret it and get embarrassed. I have also fake asked him out because of an Oreo and he said no, which probably means he doesn't like me. Help!!!!!
Peetshes - 1-Apr-17 @ 5:18 AM
I have a crush on a boy . I barely talk to him i don't know how it happened or why but when I'm next to him my heart beats really fast and I sweat a lot....I have never felt this things before for a boy and I just don't know how to deal with it.I sometimes thought about telling him how I feel because this is my last year at school,and I won't see him next year but I'm too afraid to get rejected . I'm shy and I'd be so ashamed if he told me that he didn't like me . There are many students at my school and everyone will end up knowing that I confessed my feelings to that boy.There's another problem too apparently he is in love with a girl but they're not yet in a relationship but I fear that his heart is already taken We share many lessons together so I see him almost everyday and it's so hard....I don't know what to do.....
Duckiiie - 31-Mar-17 @ 6:49 PM
Rebecca - Your Question:
I have a crush on a family friend and it's so awkward because 1) he's my dad's friend's son, 2) I'm good friends with his younger sister, and 3) we've known eachother since we were little. Also he's two years older than me so I feel like he may not be interested in me, even though I'm quite mature for my age sometimes. And I need advice because he's going to visit us with his family in the holidays but his sister isn't going to be there this time so I'll have to make conversation with him and im just so nervous and obvious sometimes and I feel so stupid liking him cause we could never date because of the family situation.Should I try to stop liking him? And how do I do that?!

Our Response:
How exciting for you and scary at the same time. I know it is always difficult when someone says 'just be yourself' when you are so conscious of yourself that you can't possibly. But, being your usual natural self always helps. Try not to think of him as your crush, but as a friend you have always known. You don't say how old you are, but two years is not a big age gap. All we can say is just enjoy the time you sepnd with him and most of all try to relax. Enjoy.
TeenIssues - 31-Mar-17 @ 1:55 PM
I have a crush on a family friend and it's so awkward because 1) he's my dad's friend's son, 2) I'm good friends with his younger sister, and 3) we've known eachother since we were little. Also he's two years older than me so i feel like he may not be interested in me, even though I'm quite mature for my age sometimes. And I need advice because he's going to visit us with his family in the holidays but his sister isn't going to be there this time so I'll have to make conversation with him and im just so nervous and obvious sometimes and I feel so stupid liking him cause we could never date because of the family situation. Should I try to stop liking him? And how do I do that?!
Rebecca - 30-Mar-17 @ 11:05 PM
@bon - if he wants to keep chatting to you then it's OK - go with it you've got nothing to lose.
MaiTai - 22-Mar-17 @ 2:10 PM
i mean him im a girl he is a boymy so called crush
bon - 22-Mar-17 @ 7:21 AM
Hi i meet this my so called crush on fb im searching someones name and suddenly see his profile i got interested to him and finally i message her at fb because i know im brave enough to confess but i tell her i idolize her not saying that he is my crush what would i do i think i like her a lot but i dont know him in person should i continue talking with him? its really awkward but i think im starting to love him what to do please help me im 18
bon - 22-Mar-17 @ 7:16 AM
Hey! I'm looking for some advice.. There's this guy I really like and we are friends, I hang around with him most of the time because we have the same friendship groups.. I really like him and I don't know how to ask him out.. I'm absolutely terrified and I know he's going to say no.. What should I do?
Starcrushed - 17-Mar-17 @ 3:47 PM
@Voquev - just being yourself is always the best approach. People always know if you're trying to impress them and it is impossible to keep up, so by doing that you would have been setting a false precedent. It's a good thing that your thoughts of her have dragged you away from gaming - what sort of life can you ever lead from behind a computer screen? You don't say if you are still friends - but just ask her if wants to hang out - just as mates. Being natural is your best option and if you don't want anything more from her than to be mates then you've nothing to lose.
PrinnyP - 16-Mar-17 @ 1:44 PM
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