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How Can I Deal With My Over Protective Mum?

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 17 Feb 2020 | comments*Discuss
 
Teens Teenagers Drink Drugs Smoking

Q.

How do I deal with my mum when she thinks I do drugs, drink and smoke even though I don't?

She's very overprotective - how should I deal with that as a teenager?

(M.B, 17 February 2009)

A.

The funny thing about mums, and all parents really, is that they always want what is best for their children. Even when their children are teenagers many parents still find themselves worrying when they can't be there to watch over them, which in turn leads them to being overprotective. Of course the funny thing about teenagers is that they often feel suffocated by overprotective parents, but powerless to convince their parents that they really are just fine and can fend for themselves on issues like drink, drugs and cigarettes.

In your situation it might do a world of good to simply sit down with your mum and thank her for caring enough about you to worry. Then let her know that she is worrying needlessly because you aren't involved in risky activities like drinking, doing drugs and smoking. While you are discussing these issues really listen to what your mum has to say. She might bring up reasons why she has been suspicious, or things that you could do to help her realise that you are telling the truth. If you feel hurt and angry that she doesn't believe you, go ahead and say this. Clearing the air might help you both understand the other a little bit better and arrive at conclusions that you both feel comfortable with.

If you and your mum can not reach these conclusions then you might suggest having someone else become involved in your discussions. Asking your dad to sit in, or another relative, or even someone like one of your teachers or coaches, will let your mother know that you are serious about this subject and don't want to continue feeling that she does not trust you and/or is being overprotective. However, you should recognise that you will probably have to compromise on some things so don't expect to be able to dictate to your mother how you'd like the future to be and expect her to go along with it without question!

Finally, you might also consider asking your friends how they deal with overprotective parents. It might be that there is something specific to your school or neighbourhood that is making parents feel worried about their teenagers. The more you can understand your environment the more you can figure out how to prove to your mum that you are safe within it. Try to remember that this is the core of the issue - your mum just wants you to be safe. If you can keep that in mind chances are you can get through this just fine.

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I'm sorry about your dad, I have the same problem, but its my bestest friend. I totally get it, she thinks I'm going to die all the time,because I`m clumsy and always tired( that is another problem altogether) Need help
gina - 17-Feb-20 @ 1:05 PM
I'm sixteen years old currently doing my first year of Alevels in my hometown. It is fairly safe to say that i have the most strict father, with a mother who's much more easy going and less protective. I had gotten out of a relationship that almost lasted two years, my first serious relationship and boyfriend. To only come to realize how much we both love each other even after six months of ending it. (due to personal reasons and situations which had nothing involving in either of us being unfaithful) There is no doubt he's changed his behavior because of how badly we both took the break up, both of us saw other people and had changed significantly. However through a mutual friend we both came to realize how we're still hung up on each other, also came to senses how both of us just wanted to show off when we were seeing other people, to each other. Not because we felt anything legitimate for them. As of right now we both talk to each other even if we're not dating. However for the past few weeks my parents and i have been fighting over this whole possibility of getting my ex boyfriend and i back together. They think he's a bad influence on me. As i am only allowed to go out with selective people, on selective days, with me being not allowed to see him it's almost impossible for me to meet up with him just to see him and have a quick chat. Ive been seen with him by several people one including my very own protective father. They're furious even at the thought of me talking to him again. Even if the rest of the people think its only human for us to get back together again. My father thinks he can have a say in literally EVERYTHING that i do in my life which is absolute nuisance. Thats unfair and toxic for a sixteen year old who does nothing all day but stay in her room and revise her notes, and or hardly ever goes out. I know being strict is all for the sole purpose of making me a better person, however it is taking up the mental space i have left making it impossible for me to concentrate on school when my finals are in just a week! Help me find a way to deal with my father and his troubles, and also to convince them that its alright to be young and very much in love with the person who stayed through everything when i had lost the most valuable friends i had since childhood. This has interrupted mw to a point where i have considered if this is all really worth to live up to. Any words or advice would do, please and thank you.
mithella - 5-Sep-19 @ 5:58 AM
I'm sixteen years old currently doing my first year of Alevels in my hometown. It is fairly safe to say that i have the most strict father, with a mother who's much more easy going and less protective. I had gotten out of a relationship that almost lasted two years, my first serious relationship and boyfriend. To only come to realize how much we both love each other even after six months of ending it. (due to personal reasons and situations which had nothing involving in either of us being unfaithful) There is no doubt he's changed his behavior because of how badly we both took the break up, both of us saw other people and had changed significantly. However through a mutual friend we both came to realize how we're still hung up on each other, also came to senses how both of us just wanted to show off when we were seeing other people, to each other. Not because we felt anything legitimate for them. As of right now we both talk to each other even if we're not dating. However for the past few weeks my parents and i have been fighting over this whole possibility of getting my ex boyfriend and i back together. They think he's a bad influence on me. As i am only allowed to go out with selective people, on selective days, with me being not allowed to see him it's almost impossible for me to meet up with him just to see him and have a quick chat. Ive been seen with him by several people one including my very own protective father. They're furious even at the thought of me talking to him again. Even if the rest of the people think its only human for us to get back together again. My father thinks he can have a say in literally EVERYTHING that i do in my life which is absolute nuisance. Thats unfair and toxic for a sixteen year old who does nothing all day but stay in her room and revise her notes, and or hardly ever goes out. I know being strict is all for the sole purpose of making me a better person, however it is taking up the mental space i have left making it impossible for me to concentrate on school when my finals are in just a week! Help me find a way to deal with my father and his troubles, and also to convince them that its alright to be young and very much in love with the person who stayed through everything when i had lost the most valuable friends i had since childhood. This has interrupted mw to a point where i have considered if this is all really worth to live up to. Any words or advice would do, please and thank you.
mithella - 4-Sep-19 @ 7:48 PM
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