Home > Ask Our Experts > How to Deal With Son's Sexual Development?

How to Deal With Son's Sexual Development?

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 30 Sep 2012 | comments*Discuss
 
Teens Sex Pornography Viewing

Q.

My 13 year old son has started to become promiscuous and has been entering adult themed sites on the internet. He denies this, which I would expect as he would obviously be embarrassed. As a concerned father, I think that there is a lot of damaging material on the internet which would not give him a balanced view of sexuality and is definitely too graphic.

What should be recommended instead to satisfy his curiosity at still such a young age? Is it acceptable to purchase other material for him on his behalf? Do I leave him to his own devices?

(R.N, 22 April 2009)

A.

How to deal with teens who are viewing pornography is a topic that parenting advocates have debated for decades. There are passionate arguments on both sides, with some saying that teens should be given free reign to explore pornography without restrictions and others arguing that it is against the law and ultimately damaging to teens. However, one thing that most parenting advocates and parents themselves can agree on is that it is natural for teens to be interested in sex.

Your son's viewing of pornography is proof that he is interested in exploring more about sex. However, this does not mean that he deserves to view these types of materials in your home, on your computer and certainly not as purchased by you if you believe this is inappropriate. Instead of sending your son off to explore these topics on his own, consider sitting down with him and chatting about what you found. Ask him questions about why these items interest him and explain why you have reservations about him viewing them. This will not be an easy conversation to start. In fact, you can probably bet that your son will be defensive or embarrassed or even angry that you want to speak to him about this subject. Don't let his negative reaction stop you. You still have the right to speak your mind.

Discuss why you believe these materials are damaging, and the ways in which you believe these portrayals of sexuality are incorrect. This would probably also be a good time to give your son more information about safer sex and current UK laws regarding teens and sex. Remind him that the age of consent in the UK is currently 16 years old which means that until then he can not legally have sex with anyone. Also remind him that legally he should not be viewing pornography on the Internet and that certain types of pornography, such as child pornography, are illegal for everyone.

If you feel that you can not have this conversation with your son then consider enlisting the aid of professionals. Brook Advisory Centres and local sexual health clinics can offer information and advice on how to speak to your teen, or to teens themselves. You might also look into purchasing sexual education books that your son could read at his leisure. But whatever you do, don't ignore this topic. Your son is still a minor and needs guidance on this topic, and your instincts to help him were absolutely correct.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
Why not be the first to leave a comment for discussion, ask for advice or share your story...

If you'd like to ask a question one of our experts (workload permitting) or a helpful reader hopefully can help you... We also love comments and interesting stories

Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • Lola
    Re: All about Abortion
    I think im pregnant im 13 almost 14 but im not sure what to do its been a week or 2 weeks im not sure on what to do ive already lost mum and i…
    3 July 2020
  • Sasuke
    Re: How to Deal with Pressure From Parents
    Same my mom doesn't understands my feelings and is always saying I time pass..even when I am viewing some light joke…
    25 June 2020
  • Ian
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    Before I reached puberty, my parents treated me very well, just like many parents do to their only child. Being my social partners…
    25 June 2020
  • BarbieAri
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    That is sad I can relate to every single one of you...I'm not gonna write about it because I would take up to like 2 pages...but…
    24 June 2020
  • Charlie
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    My parents don’t let me hang out with anyone. When I ask why they get mad at me and say “because we don’t want you to”. I can’t leave…
    21 June 2020
  • unknown
    Re: How to Deal with Pressure From Parents
    I am in lockdown and do all of my school work at home. I dont know why but I have not been doing enough and the…
    18 June 2020
  • Lili
    Re: Warning Signs of Self Harming
    I’ve seen your comments and it’s inspired me too tell you guys my story. I’m Lili I’m 13 years old and I’ve never had the courage…
    8 June 2020
  • Lily
    Re: How to Deal with Pressure From Parents
    I am 18 and i am going to uni soon.i am not a really open person with my family because i felt there is nothing to…
    8 June 2020
  • Ashleen
    Re: How to Deal with Pressure From Parents
    Hi I am in form 3.I used to be a performer but suddenly i started becoming worse in class 7. Since i started high…
    5 June 2020
  • Evee
    Re: Coping With Strict Parents
    Hey, I am fifteen years old. I have lived with my Grandparents since I was about a month old, my mother is a drunk as my father is…
    4 June 2020