Home > Ask Our Experts > Can I Stop My Friend Having Under Age, Unprotected Sex?

Can I Stop My Friend Having Under Age, Unprotected Sex?

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 6 Feb 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Sex Unprotected Sex Age Of Consent Safer

Q.

My friend, has just turned 14 and has a boyfriend of 15, she has told me that she has just started having sex with him.

This came as a huge shock as she's always been the sensible one of my friends, she hasn't told her mum or anybody else and she hasn't been using protection.

Now I seem to be feeling pressured as she is the second of my friends to do this, also what can I do to help her?

(G.S, 17 February 2009)

A.

You are not responsible for, nor can you control, your friends' behaviours. Unfortunately this means that even when they are doing something as risky as having underage, unprotected sex you are virtually powerless to stop them. You could consider reporting everyone involved, since the age of consent is 16 in the United Kingdom, but whether or not you wish to inform their parents or the police will depend upon how badly you want to stop this behaviour, how involved you want to become in the situation and if you think your friends will want to continue a relationship with you after the report.

Short of reporting this situation you might also consider letting your friends know that you care about them and want to make sure that they are taking care of themselves. This is usually best done in private when you know that no one could be listening in on your conversation. You could start by telling your friends that they mean to much for you to let them risk hurting themselves, and that you want to make sure that they at least engage in safer sex if they are going to be having sex at all. You might offer to help them obtain condoms or find out more about safer sex, or you might ask if there is any specific help that they need with this situation.

However, never forget that you are not an adult and because of this you should not shoulder responsibilities that you feel are too much for you. If you aren't ready to discuss things like condoms and birth control then you aren't ready to go about getting them and you certainly are not ready to have sex. Don't allow yourself to feel pressurised, the fact that you were shocked when finding out about these situations mean that you are an intelligent young woman who understands that this kind of behaviour is not smart. Repeat this to yourself until you believe it!

If you still continue to feel pressurised about this subject then you might need to distance yourself from it. Tell your friends firmly that you don't want to talk about their sexual activities and change the subject if they do start such conversations. If your friends can't understand that you are not comfortable with such conversation then you might want to spend less time with them, or find new friends who will respect your thoughts and opinions.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
Trav - Your Question:
Hi, my two best friends started dating and they have been doing sexual things to each other and I’m really scared they will have un protected sex. The female trusted me enough to tell me all the things they have been doing. They are both 14 years old and I don’t know what to do. Please help, thanks!

Our Response:
The only thing you can do in a situation such as this, is to try to persuade your friends that they should use contraception. Above this, it is not your responsibility and therefore you would have to leave them to make their own decisions regarding what your friends feel is right for them.
TeenIssues - 6-Feb-18 @ 1:00 PM
Hi, my two best friends started dating and they have been doing sexual things to each other and I’m really scared they will have un protected sex. The female trusted me enough to tell me all the things they have been doing. They are both 14 years old and I don’t know what to do. Please help, thanks!
Trav - 6-Feb-18 @ 5:29 AM
@Farrah - you don't say how old she is. But apart from the advice in the article, if she is old enough then I suggest she goes to her doctor to request the contraceptive pill or implant, as it is safer than using a condom. I have included an NHS link on the safety of condoms here, which are 98% safe if used correctly. However they can burst or slip off which could lead to pregnancy. Also I have included an NHS link on the contraceptive implanthere. I hope this helps.
TeenIssues - 26-Jan-15 @ 2:46 PM
Hi my best friend has just started having sex with her boyfriend and she isn't on the pill but she said her boyfriend uses a condom. Is she safe ? I'm worried she may get pregnant. She hasn't told her parents which is why she doesn't use the pill but she thinks she is safe I just need to be told correct. Thanks
Farrah - 24-Jan-15 @ 8:31 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • Ari
    Re: Arguing With Parents
    @Agent To Your comment is pretty rude. The people here aren’t here to attack their parents (as it seems your son has done) but to have…
    20 May 2018
  • Cal
    Re: Coping with a Crush
    @maggie_w - have you even spoken to him? That would be a start. Try and strike up a conversation, be confident and just do it.
    15 May 2018
  • maggie_w
    Re: Coping with a Crush
    Alright, so I'm a freshman. The second I started highschool I noticed this guy, he was in three of my classes. I realized I had a small crush…
    15 May 2018
  • TeenIssues
    Re: All about Abortion
    Anonymous - Your Question:I found out I'm pregnant only by 5 or 6 weeks, I'm 16 years old and I'm wondering if I need an adult to accompany me…
    14 May 2018
  • Fliss
    Re: Losing Your Virginity
    @tilly - do what feels right for you and definitely don't let yourself be rushed into anything.
    14 May 2018
  • TeenIssues
    Re: All about Abortion
    1234234om - Your Question:I was at a party and had sex with a boy unprotected and he pulled out but then we had sex again about 30 minutes…
    14 May 2018
  • Anonymous
    Re: All about Abortion
    I found out I'm pregnant only by 5 or 6 weeks, I'm 16 years old and I'm wondering if I need an adult to accompany me when I go for my abortion?…
    13 May 2018
  • 1234234om
    Re: All about Abortion
    I was at a party and had sex with a boy unprotected and he pulled out but then we had sex again about 30 minutes later and he pulled out again.…
    13 May 2018
  • tilly
    Re: Losing Your Virginity
    i’m 15 and i’m with a bit but we have t been talking for long , we both have tiring feeling. for eachother and both feel ready and have…
    11 May 2018
  • Dr.Miguel
    Re: Questionnaire: Are You Addicted to Social Networking Sites?
    I am a doctor in Portugaltahta stat sorry for my inglish but: isso é uma mentira não…
    9 May 2018
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the TeenIssues website. Please read our Disclaimer.