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Can I Stop My Friend Having Under Age, Unprotected Sex?

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 6 Feb 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Sex Unprotected Sex Age Of Consent Safer

Q.

My friend, has just turned 14 and has a boyfriend of 15, she has told me that she has just started having sex with him.

This came as a huge shock as she's always been the sensible one of my friends, she hasn't told her mum or anybody else and she hasn't been using protection.

Now I seem to be feeling pressured as she is the second of my friends to do this, also what can I do to help her?

(G.S, 17 February 2009)

A.

You are not responsible for, nor can you control, your friends' behaviours. Unfortunately this means that even when they are doing something as risky as having underage, unprotected sex you are virtually powerless to stop them. You could consider reporting everyone involved, since the age of consent is 16 in the United Kingdom, but whether or not you wish to inform their parents or the police will depend upon how badly you want to stop this behaviour, how involved you want to become in the situation and if you think your friends will want to continue a relationship with you after the report.

Short of reporting this situation you might also consider letting your friends know that you care about them and want to make sure that they are taking care of themselves. This is usually best done in private when you know that no one could be listening in on your conversation. You could start by telling your friends that they mean to much for you to let them risk hurting themselves, and that you want to make sure that they at least engage in safer sex if they are going to be having sex at all. You might offer to help them obtain condoms or find out more about safer sex, or you might ask if there is any specific help that they need with this situation.

However, never forget that you are not an adult and because of this you should not shoulder responsibilities that you feel are too much for you. If you aren't ready to discuss things like condoms and birth control then you aren't ready to go about getting them and you certainly are not ready to have sex. Don't allow yourself to feel pressurised, the fact that you were shocked when finding out about these situations mean that you are an intelligent young woman who understands that this kind of behaviour is not smart. Repeat this to yourself until you believe it!

If you still continue to feel pressurised about this subject then you might need to distance yourself from it. Tell your friends firmly that you don't want to talk about their sexual activities and change the subject if they do start such conversations. If your friends can't understand that you are not comfortable with such conversation then you might want to spend less time with them, or find new friends who will respect your thoughts and opinions.

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Trav - Your Question:
Hi, my two best friends started dating and they have been doing sexual things to each other and I’m really scared they will have un protected sex. The female trusted me enough to tell me all the things they have been doing. They are both 14 years old and I don’t know what to do. Please help, thanks!

Our Response:
The only thing you can do in a situation such as this, is to try to persuade your friends that they should use contraception. Above this, it is not your responsibility and therefore you would have to leave them to make their own decisions regarding what your friends feel is right for them.
TeenIssues - 6-Feb-18 @ 1:00 PM
Hi, my two best friends started dating and they have been doing sexual things to each other and I’m really scared they will have un protected sex. The female trusted me enough to tell me all the things they have been doing. They are both 14 years old and I don’t know what to do. Please help, thanks!
Trav - 6-Feb-18 @ 5:29 AM
@Farrah - you don't say how old she is. But apart from the advice in the article, if she is old enough then I suggest she goes to her doctor to request the contraceptive pill or implant, as it is safer than using a condom. I have included an NHS link on the safety of condoms here, which are 98% safe if used correctly. However they can burst or slip off which could lead to pregnancy. Also I have included an NHS link on the contraceptive implanthere. I hope this helps.
TeenIssues - 26-Jan-15 @ 2:46 PM
Hi my best friend has just started having sex with her boyfriend and she isn't on the pill but she said her boyfriend uses a condom. Is she safe ? I'm worried she may get pregnant. She hasn't told her parents which is why she doesn't use the pill but she thinks she is safe I just need to be told correct. Thanks
Farrah - 24-Jan-15 @ 8:31 PM
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