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How to Deal with Pressure From Parents

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 22 Oct 2020 | comments*Discuss
 
Parent Pressure Pressure From Parents

Most parents just want what is best for their children, but when their ideas of what is best for you don't quite match your own, frustration and anger can run riot. To try to help you see things their way, parents may resort to pressuring you without even realising it. If you feel that one, or both, of your parents is pressuring you to act or think a certain way, use this handy how-to guide to dealing with parent pressure.

Remain Calm

Even if it is the tenth time this hour that your mother has told you to stop slouching/watch your mouth/put away your laundry, remain calm. Getting into a screaming match may help you blow of some steam, but if you want your parents to listen to what you have to say, make sure that you say it in a reasonable tone. Remaining calm and speaking seriously will convey to your parents that you:

  • Have given your topic serious thought
  • Can speak about your topic in a reasonable manner
  • Are mature enough to have a discussion, not an argument
  • Will be willing to listen to their opinions during this discussion

Know Your Argument

Of course by the time your parents realise that you are willing to have a discussion with them, you really must be ready to have this discussion. Make sure that you know your argument and can present it in a convincing manner. It doesn't matter if you are trying to make them understand your desire to dye your hair, defer university or sell your younger brother; the aspects of a convincing argument remain the same:

  • Know your own mind and be clear about your main points - remind them that you only want to experiment with dying your hair blonde, not pink or purple, and that you are perfectly willing to use only semi-permanent dye
  • Research evidence or, even better, statistics - if you can tell your parents that you understand their desire for you to go to university, but you would prefer to be one of the 88% (or whatever you discover it really is) that defer to take a gap year, they will be more likely to listen to you as you explain why
  • Present an alternative plan - explain your reasons for wanting to sell your younger brother, but if your parents don't seem convinced offer an alternative such as sending him to boarding school to show that you understand their hesitations

Enlist the Aid of an Expert

It's highly unlikely that you will be able to bring in Sir Alex Ferguson to explain to your father why he must give up his dreams of you one day playing for Manchester United, but it is feasible that you can find another kind of expert - an expert on your father. Think of family and friends who are used to the way your parents' minds work and may have seen them put pressure on you. Options include:

  • Your aunts and uncles (your parents' brothers and sisters).
  • Your grandparents (your parents' own mother and father).
  • Family friends (look for someone who has known your parents for decades).
  • Your older siblings (they've probably endured similar pressure and have survived).
  • A favourite teacher or coach (if they know you have a talent, they will help you fight for it and if they know that you don't have a talent, they may be able to explain this to your parents).
  • School counsellor (they are wicked at getting parents to see the big picture).

Be Willing to Compromise

Life's not fair; no doubt you know that already, so expecting to get your way all of the time is unrealistic. When you parents pressure you, they do so because they are passionate about the subject and it is unlikely that they will back off completely. Show your parents that you understand at least some of their passion by being willing to compromise. Try to find a middle ground - you'll study French for an hour every night, but not with the silly tutor they found, you'll consider babysitting your cousins regularly if they'll consider subsidising your mobile phone bills - and hopefully you'll find something you can agree upon.

Parent pressure can make your home life a living hell, but following these handy hints should help lessen the pressure and let you all meet in the middle. If, however, your parents are pressuring you to the point that you feel endangered either physically or mentally, contact a trusted adult such as a family friend, teacher, doctor or policeman immediately. Otherwise, hold tight because this too shall pass!

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Hi i just wanted to share my problems. I am in a current situation right now that i want to cry everday because my family pressuring me about what course i wanted to choose in college and I feel pressure beacuse I haven’t choose anything that I really want to do in my life. Please i want some advice.
Hitchm - 22-Oct-20 @ 4:14 AM
i am at the point where i just don't know what to do anymore. it probably sounds so stupid but i just feel way too pressured by my dad that i just want to either hurt myself, or hurt somebody else and it is not good at all. i understand that all he does for me is to help me and to benefit me but i just feel so pressured now that i honestly just want to run away or give up. my dad currently wont speak to me because we got in an argument about how he wants me to spend more of my time learning about geography, or maths or science and i finally just told him what i've always wanted to say and just said "but i just don't care about that stuff". because i genuinely do not. it just doesn't interest me at all. it bores me so much. (i don't mean to sound ignorant as well, and i know there are so many more people out there that have bigger problems, but its gotten to the point that he just wants to change the person i am and it is so painful to have to hear him talking down on me all the time). although it felt good telling him that i just dont care, but he is so incredibly angry with me. So yeah, i just don't know what to do, as he wont speak to me and wanted some advice. Thank you
help - 6-Oct-20 @ 1:46 PM
Im in 7th grade and my classes are starting in 1 week my problem is that even when im in vecation my parents still asks me to study even now that my classes is almost starting i feel like my parents is giving me more pressure than my school actualy i often sleep late because im worried that when i wake up the first thing i have to do is my chores then study my parents always says that they just want the best for me but i dont feel the same
Libby - 28-Sep-20 @ 9:55 AM
Im in grade 7 already but my parents keeps forcing me to study my classes is starting in 1 week i wanna say no but because they kept doing this to me since i was 7 i dont think i can
Libby - 28-Sep-20 @ 9:43 AM
i am 13 and in 8th grade. i just started 8th grade 1 week ago and i dont understand any of my social studies work and my social studies teacher is the worst. he is nice but gives us too much work. especialy because we are all still adjusting to the way school is now. i have to go to school every other day so i do virtual half the time. when i am at home pop logs on to my google classroom and looks at my work. i do everything accept the things i dont understand. i am "missing" two social studies assignments but i just dont understand them. so my social studies teacher called home and told my nana and pop i was missing assignments. i just got home from a dress fitting for my step mothers wedding and i am getting yelled at as soon as i walk in the door. my nana told me that she got that call. she also told me that if i am missing anymore assignments she will take away my phone my tv and take me out of school of rock. she is 51 years old. she couldnt possibly remember what school is like. and it is even harder now so she went outside after yelling at me and i cried for like 20 minutes from stress and her threatening to completely ruin my dream of becoming famous i want to talk to them about how much pressure they are putting on me but i cant. the last time i talked back because she doesnt want me on facetime with boys in my room and i said no and she yelled at me and if i ever get in trouble i am either yelled at or get slapped. one time i forgot to make my bed and got slapped 3 times. they want me to be clean neat and have perfect grades. they dont get that none of that is going to happen.it is too much pressure for a 13 year old girl.
leah - 18-Sep-20 @ 1:29 AM
i am 13 and in 8th grade. i just started 8th grade 1 week ago and i dont understand any of my social studies work and my social studies teacher is the worst. he is nice but gives us too much work. especialy because we are all still adjusting to the way school is now. i have to go to school every other day so i do virtual half the time. when i am at home pop logs on to my google classroom and looks at my work. i do everything accept the things i dont understand. i am "missing" two social studies assignments but i just dont understand them. so my social studies teacher called home and told my nana and pop i was missing assignments. i just got home from a dress fitting for my step mothers wedding and i am getting yelled at as soon as i walk in the door. my nana told me that she got that call. she also told me that if i am missing anymore assignments she will take away my phone my tv and take me out of school of rock. she is 51 years old. she couldnt possibly remember what school is like. and it is even harder now so she went outside after yelling at me and i cried for like 20 minutes from stress and her threatening to completely ruin my dream of becoming famous i want to talk to them about how much pressure they are putting on me but i cant. the last time i talked back because she doesnt want me on facetime with boys in my room and i said no and she yelled at me and if i ever get in trouble i am either yelled at or get slapped. one time i forgot to make my bed and got slapped 3 times. they want me to be clean neat and have perfect grades. they dont get that none of that is going to happen.it is too much pressure for a 13 year old girl.
leah - 18-Sep-20 @ 1:29 AM
I'm currently 13 and in 8th grade. I come from an Indian family, and we are from a quite well-to-do background. Lately, they've been pressuring me to 'be like other kids'. Just because some of the children I know do better than me. Not academically (I usually get straight As), but socially. I am naturally a quiet person and do not feel the need to speak and interact with others too often. Due to this, my parents, especially my mother, say they feel embarrassed when I don't talk to 'their friends'. I do not have many friends, because they feel I'm 'too mature and smart' for them. They can't understand me. Whenever I try to talk to my parents about it, they simply scold me and tell me to do what they want - because 'they've seen everything', 'you don't know what's good for you', and 'you're just a child'. Hah, they might just marry me off when I finish college. Due to this, I took to online platforms where you can talk with other people. It has been a year and I have many online friends with whom I can talk to and share my opinions. Most of them are years older than me - some being in college and some in senior secondary school. I can talk online without being judged and that's what I want. I usually speak up for myself, even if that means I'll have my parents shouting at me at the top of their voices. I don't really care now. Because no matter how much anyone tells you to follow their command, you're only going to end up doing what you feel right.
RAEG - 16-Sep-20 @ 8:07 AM
I feel like my parents are pressuring me to a something I only just wanted to try it out
Roobug1509 - 4-Sep-20 @ 8:14 PM
I run cross country for my schools team and while I make it to most practices we run around four miles and as a teen I get minimal sleep around 4 hours each night. I work on a farm and they want me to work on the farm all day after getting around 3.5 hours of And run four miles at cross country practice even though I can barely stand of exhaustion, how do I convince them to decide to allow me to only do one of the two?
Dylan - 30-Aug-20 @ 12:09 AM
right now,i am preparing for jee and i feel so much pressure. i just wanna sleep and never get up.
eli - 8-Aug-20 @ 4:36 PM
My parent always pressure me.to be the best. Pressuring me to.be able to make them money.... It make me having constant stomach ache and depression.
Help - 5-Aug-20 @ 8:42 PM
My parents put a lot of pressure on me and my momther's hand is mostly in it. She wants me to do her atuff only and keeps taking things away from me and when I ask them back she says don't even think about it. I am not comfortable in the way they make me study as well and I am too tensed and keep getting anxiety attacks.
Idk - 16-Jul-20 @ 3:24 PM
I'm 11th classnow my online classes are going on our classes start at 7 :30 am and end at4from 4 to 7 again study hours in will do my assignmentevery day but my father say that I'm not good at studies and I always waste my time. He also say that this isn't a proper way to studydue to my online classes im suffering from a lot ofheadache but my parentsdoesn't care
Ranu - 8-Jul-20 @ 10:05 AM
Same my mom doesn't understands my feelings and is always saying I time pass..even when I am viewing some light joke between working for hours ..she says I should make geek friends and say I spend a lot a time in phone sending them homework and that I shouldn't be friends with them..she only thinks that I should get 100 marks in boards and threatens me to do so..and then underestimates me that by the way I am studying I will not be able to get 70 percent too.even she enrolled me into my tuition though I told her class 10 is easy she thought that I will fail without it and pressrurises me to work her way to get full in boards
Sasuke - 25-Jun-20 @ 9:04 AM
I am in lockdown and do all of my school work at home. I dont know why but I have not been doing enough and the quality of my work is bad. I have a lot of pressure on my work from my mum and don't know what to do. Can someone please give me some advice?
unknown - 18-Jun-20 @ 5:09 PM
I am 18 and i am going to uni soon.i am not a really open person with my family because i felt there is nothing to talk about.i dont know sometimes i feel some kind of injustice when i did something then my mom getting angry and take my phone away but when my brother did the same thing nothing happen dude.but i am still okay with it .but i am getting annoyes when my aunty start to talk about my body and keep saying that i am fat.Dude,before you say anything about my body take a mirror and reflect yourself first .I am not insecure at all about my body but the keep finding my weak spot .What the hell with those people.They keep asking me what is my problem abviously they are my problem ..they keep asking me to do what ever seem normal in society eye.I am not hoping they understand me cause they just think i am rabel ,problematic ..just think whatever you want..i hope the pendamic will end soon and i will start my uni life happily
Lily - 8-Jun-20 @ 3:28 PM
Hi I am in form 3.I used to be a performer but suddenly i started becoming worse in class 7. Since i started high school my mum normally scolds me and calls me names for not performing well.She gives me to much work and engages me in too many study websites and she expects me to do everything since she is inspecting it every evening.I know she is trying as much as possible to help me but still i think this too much pressure for me. Later in the evening she books online classes for me to attend. I tried opening up to her to tell how i feel to much pressure and that she should let me at least control my academic life but all she said was that is nonsense that those many websites are just mandatory.She compares me to other kids in class but one thing she never tries to understand is that i am a slow learner and what the smartest kids in class can achieve isn't the same thing i am capable to achieve.When i show her my work at the end of the day she doesn't appreciate what i havedone instead she says i am lazy.Things things make make feel like i am a worthless person!!!
Ashleen - 5-Jun-20 @ 10:24 AM
Hi ! I'm a girl of 15 from vizag , andhra pradesh , india . I am now studying in class 12 and going to appear for NEET . I don't know why my mother is getting so frustrated and stressed and thus resulting in giving pressure to me for my appearance in the exam . I still dont understand why although i am a good student and try hard to get my best out of anything in which i am in , my mom still wants something more from me which i dont know that i am lacking . I dont get my mother when she tells me that " ONLY IF YOU RE LOCKED UP IN YOUR ROOM STUDYING FOR HOURS TOGETHER THE N ITSELF IM STUDYING OR ELSE I AM NOT STUDYING " . I just get into tears whenever i listen to those words from my mothers mouth . I feel very stressed and frusrated . Hope i would be able to cope up with this present situation as soon as possible
KKSM - 19-May-20 @ 7:52 AM
I have very strict parents. I always thought so. They put high demands on me. I've never been badly scolded for bad grades, but their strictness shows in a different way - in their attitude towards me. At the same time, I am very grateful to them for their efforts. Although we do not always find understanding, and sometimes I am very hurt because of injustice, I appreciate them very much. But I agree that sometimes it is unbearable to stand their unjustified criticism.
AnnieN - 29-Apr-20 @ 6:37 PM
im currently in 11th. ive most of the time scored well in maths and my own dream is accounting. ive gone to a counselor n done aptitude tests and everything suggested accounting or business as my future career. however my parents are forcing me to do engineering. they changed my stream to pcmc without asking me and enrolled me into an academy even tho i refused to do pcmc. now im sick of pretending like ive accepted it. i just want to do what i want but idk how to convince my parents coz ive tried everything such as speaking nicely or screaming.
mawoo - 2-Apr-20 @ 3:30 PM
I've tried all of these methods before. I told my dad he puts too much pressure on me, and I told him that that is why I do so well in class, but the moment it comes to writing my finals, I mess up, because I keep thinking about what my dad would say if I didn't get 100%, or how he is going to be embarrassed. He said, "You don't need to feel pressure, because I am not putting pressure on you. But I will always be proud of you." But he never shows it and it always gets me thinking whether he actually meant it, or was it just a way to shut me up, because he was annoyed at me crying. I also told my dad that I wanted to go towards engineering. But the truth is, even though I may be good at studies, I never had the interest in it, and everyone is always telling me, "Do what you like." But it makes it impossible for me to do what I like, especially when my parents keep telling me to choose a "good career". How do I even tell them that I want to become a basketball player, or a musician. How do I tell them that I want to sign up for the state basketball team? The last time I told my dad that, he said it was a waste of time, and that I should concentrate on my studies.
dk - 17-Mar-20 @ 7:26 AM
I've tried all of these methods before. I told my dad he puts too much pressure on me, and I told him that that is why I do so well in class, but the moment it comes to writing my finals, I mess up, because I keep thinking about what my dad would say if I didn't get 100%, or how he is going to be embarrassed. He said, "You don't need to feel pressure, because I am not putting pressure on you. But I will always be proud of you." But he never shows it and it always gets me thinking whether he actually meant it, or was it just a way to shut me up, because he was annoyed at me crying. I also told my dad that I wanted to go towards engineering. But the truth is, even though I may be good at studies, I never had the interest in it, and everyone is always telling me, "Do what you like." But it makes it impossible for me to do what I like, especially when my parents keep telling me to choose a "good career". How do I even tell them that I want to become a basketball player, or a musician. How do I tell them that I want to sign up for the state basketball team? The last time I told my dad that, he said it was a waste of time, and that I should concentrate on my studies.
dk - 16-Mar-20 @ 1:50 PM
I've tried all of these methods before. I told my dad he puts too much pressure on me, and I told him that that is why I do so well in class, but the moment it comes to writing my finals, I mess up, because I keep thinking about what my dad would say if I didn't get 100%, or how he is going to be embarrassed. He said, "You don't need to feel pressure, because I am not putting pressure on you. But I will always be proud of you." But he never shows it and it always gets me thinking whether he actually meant it, or was it just a way to shut me up, because he was annoyed at me crying. I also told my dad that I wanted to go towards engineering. But the truth is, even though I may be good at studies, I never had the interest in it, and everyone is always telling me, "Do what you like." But it makes it impossible for me to do what I like, especially when my parents keep telling me to choose a "good career". How do I even tell them that I want to become a basketball player, or a musician. How do I tell them that I want to sign up for the state basketball team? The last time I told my dad that, he said it was a waste of time, and that I should concentrate on my studies.
dk - 16-Mar-20 @ 12:51 PM
My parents are not understanding. They are not open minded like the rest of my friends. I do want to continue studying but the pressure that they give me is too much. They want me to go to one specific pathway to further my education but I told them that there are other ways to further my education but they are not listening to me. They don't understand that I have a chance of not getting accepted into the school but they are always telling me to be positive. I am being positive but I just want them to support me, no matter what the result is. And yet, it's such a difficult thing for them to do. I tried telling them how I feel but they would not listen. I feel like ending my life so that I won't have to go through their pressure and stress.
bunny - 14-Jan-20 @ 7:46 AM
I ws able to change my grades, thanks to Darkcracker on protonmail. Dude is good.
Dre - 9-Jan-20 @ 4:04 PM
My mother usually told me to try harder at school and she sometimes misunderstands me for lacking of. Although I just want to keep my study average to focus on my favorite subject, she demand me to be better, My father is always drunk he swears and quarrel with my mother a lot. Because he want a boy than a girl like me. He wishes I were a boy instead. I were really stresses. I think I might suffer from low self esteem issues because I feelanxious, distressed and afraid of doing something wrong. But I couldn't tell anyone about that. What should I do?
libra - 11-Dec-19 @ 3:09 PM
I am seriously frustrated with my life...... Why is NEET everything.... I dont know.... I wish if i was born in a rich family.... My parents will never have to expect that much from me..... I wish if indian eductation system was kind off different.... I wish if i had some other option to get there, where i wanted to be...... I dont know.. I feel like quiting...... Maybe this is my last try.... I don't know what will happen if i didn't make this time.... I don't know.... Too much tension and pressure.... But its okay... At tge end nobody cares rather than your parents..... See that is the thing why i am still trying..... All the best to every one struggling out there... Just hold on.... One day everything will be fine... Just look in the mirror and smile ??
Shivam - 6-Dec-19 @ 5:38 PM
Hey there! I'm a Bengali girl who's currently 14 and in year 10 (9th grade). I live in London and am the oldest of three siblings and there's a lot of pressure put on me by not just my parents, but by every single person i know. I am struggling in maths big time and my school hasn't got around to having extra maths classes and everyone is putting the blame on me for those classes not happening. What my family don't understand is that everyone is different and that times have changes and so has school since they've all been. My mum and dad have both been through my phone twice each, they've taken it away from me and aren't going to give it back until i'm 18 years old. She's ban me from social media and made me cut ties from all my friends. I NEED HELP! social media and using my phone for a maximum of 2-3 hours on my phone a day. They've been stressing me since the start of year 10 non-stop hard core. This led to me using my phone a lot more as it was my place to escape, but no they don't understand. I feel like this is weakeningmy relationship with Allah. They are always comparing me to other children and always making me feel bad about myself. They always call me dumb and stupid and tell me that i'm unwanted. I don't know what to do. I feel alone, i cry to sleep every night, i'm told not to tell anyone because they'll get social serivces invloved. I really need help i'm struggling with life!??????????????????
_representing.south. - 24-Nov-19 @ 8:34 PM
Hi my mom thinks i don’t want to study but i really do
Me - 13-Nov-19 @ 1:13 PM
I always get told off by my mum every single day, pretty much. I get told off when I make a little mistake and been told that that is not the way to act in the society and everyone would bully you. Now I am currently doing my GCSEs, and I get told off whenever I get tired or stressed as I try to relax. She thinks I should work all the time and have no break except from sleep. I am misunderstood. Also I also get blamed on littte things.
User - 13-Sep-19 @ 5:09 PM
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