Making Friends

Why making friends can feel difficult

Feeling like you have no one to talk to is genuinely hard. Most people go through periods where they feel isolated, misunderstood or simply alone. This can happen at any age, but the teenage years often make it more intense.

The tricky part is that making new friends requires a certain amount of risk. You have to put yourself forward and hope that others will want to spend time with you. Taking that first step matters, though it is not the only way friendships form. Sometimes connections happen gradually, through repeated contact with the same people over time.

Before you do anything, it helps to think about what might be getting in the way. Sometimes the barriers are obvious, but often they are not. You may not realise that certain habits or thought patterns are holding you back.

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Common things that get in the way

Shyness is one of the most common reasons people struggle to make friends. If social situations make you anxious, you might find yourself holding back, leaving early, or staying on the edges of conversations. This can make you seem uninterested in others, even when that is far from the truth.

Low self confidence plays a similar role. When you do not feel good about yourself, it can be hard to believe that anyone else would want to be around you. This often leads to not speaking up, or second guessing everything you say.

Not knowing yourself very well can also make things harder. If you are unsure what you enjoy or what kind of people you get along with, it becomes difficult to find your crowd. You might drift between different groups without ever feeling like you belong.

Other common barriers include:

• Having moved to a new school or area where you do not know anyone
• Feeling different from the people around you, whether because of background, identity, or how your brain works
• Past experiences of being let down or excluded by friends
• Spending a lot of time online rather than in face to face situations
• Mental health difficulties that make socialising feel exhausting or frightening

None of these things mean you cannot make friends. They are obstacles, and most obstacles can be worked around with time and effort.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Practical ways to start building friendships

One piece of advice comes up repeatedly: put yourself in situations where you will meet people. This could mean joining a club, volunteering, taking up a sport, or attending events linked to something you care about. Shared interests give you something to talk about and a reason to keep seeing the same people.

In the UK, organisations like Scouts, Girlguiding, and local youth clubs offer structured ways to meet others. The Duke of Edinburgh Award scheme is another option, often run through schools or independent groups, though some programmes involve costs or an application process. Volunteering opportunities through the National Citizen Service or local charities can also work well if you find unstructured social situations overwhelming. For LGBTQ+ young people, groups like local youth pride networks can provide spaces where you might feel more understood.

Online communities can also be a starting point, particularly if anxiety or geography makes meeting people in person difficult. Finding others who share your interests through forums or gaming groups can build confidence, even if those connections eventually move offline.

When you are around new people, try to focus outward rather than inward. Ask questions. Listen properly. Show genuine curiosity about others. Most people respond well when they feel someone is interested in them.

Quiet and steady often works better than loud and impressive. Being reliable, kind, and genuinely interested will usually get you further than trying to entertain everyone.

Accept that not every attempt will work out. Some people will not become friends, and that is normal. Friendships depend on timing, compatibility, and circumstances that are often outside your control.

When you need extra support

If loneliness is affecting your mental health, or if anxiety makes social situations feel impossible, it may help to speak to someone. Schools and colleges often have counsellors or pastoral staff who can help. Your GP can also provide advice or referrals, and some areas have free counselling for young people, though availability varies across the UK.

Childline offers confidential support for anyone under 19 on 0800 1111. The Mix provides advice and listening services for under 25s. Both can help if you are struggling and not sure where to turn.

Parents or guardians can sometimes help too, whether that means arranging activities, providing transport, or simply listening when things feel hard.

Making friends takes time, and there will be awkward moments along the way. That is part of the process. Most friendships start slowly and build from there. The fact that you want to connect with others is a good sign in itself.

The Next Step

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