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Let's Talk About Sex

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 18 May 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Sex teen Sex sexual Health sexually

Sex is one of those subjects that no one still wants to consider a taboo, but few people are brave enough to tackle head on and get out into the open. This leads to mixed messages that we are supposed to enjoy sex, but only very privately, when we're "older" and without any real guidance. That's just not good enough. To make important decisions about your sex life and sexual health you need to know the facts. So, let's talk about sex.

Everybody's Doing It. Aren't They?

It may seem like everyone you know is having sex, but aside from a few boasts in the locker room there's no real way to prove this. What we do know is the number of teens seeking medical care for sexually transmitted infections - and this number is skyrocketing. Over 40,000 British teens seek care for STIs each year, which means that significant numbers of teens are having sex, and unfortunately they are not practicing safer sex every time.

Safer Sex, Better Health

"Safer sex" is often considered a great idea, but hard to adhere to in the heat of the moment. Safer sex is the practice by which you reduce contact with your partners' bodily fluids during sexual activity, which will help reduce the risk of exchanging sexually transmitted infections. If you love yourself, and you are mature enough to have sex, then you must be sure to protect yourself and offer no alternative but to have safer sex.

Remember to:

  • Openly discuss your sexual histories with potential partners.
  • Make a date to be tested for STIs with your partner before having sex.
  • Use a condom every time you consider sex of any type.
  • Use a condom even if you or your girlfriend is using another means of contraception because the pill, patch and various other methods do not protect against STIs.
  • Consider combining spermicide with a condom to further protect against unplanned pregnancies.
  • Never have sex if you feel unprepared or uncomfortable.

Alternatives to Sex

Don't be fooled by schoolyard rumours, oral, vaginal and anal sex are all "real" sex. There are, however, many alternatives you can engage in if you feel unready or unwilling to "go all the way." Almost anyone can derive pleasure from:

  • Kissing.
  • Petting/stroking.
  • Masturbation.
  • Stimulating a partner with their hands.
  • Simulating sex while fully clothed.

The First Time

Even when you know the facts and are prepared to protect yourself, the first time you decide to have sex can be a very emotional, confusing event. Losing your virginity is momentous, one that you will literally remember for the rest of your life. Don't waste this beautiful moment by just "getting it over with." Wait until you feel right and you trust your partner, that way your first time truly will be magical.

Teen sex is a subject that scares the daylights out of most people. Adults hyperventilate about STIs and unplanned pregnancies, and teens pick up on this tension. The government also legislates on the topic of teen sex, and it is technically illegal for a girl under the age of 16 to have sex. If you are obeying the law and feel ready to take this big step, then make sure you know the facts, you protect yourself and you feel right. Don't disrespect yourself, or your partner, by settling for anything less.

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[Add a Comment]
JennyJelly - Your Question:
I have just turned 16 - the legal age. My boyfriend and I have been together for to years so we are very committed and in love. He wants to do it. He wanted to do it 2 years ago because he was 16 and I was only 14, I said no and I wanted to wait till I was legal. He was okay with it so he waited. Now, 2 years later, he wants it but I'm too scared. I've done my research and know about STIs and contraception and how it is when it's your first time, but I feel too scared to do it. He's been waiting for 2 years and he's a great guy who has never cheated and I love him. Should I do it for him?

Our Response:
Have you taken the questionnaire, link here? The most important point for you here is not to feel pressured into having sex. You need to do what feels right for you. As a rule, when you are fooling around with your boyfriend sexual feelings will occur naturally and this is the time when you will feel most comfortable. I presume you kiss and perhaps do other things and the sexual feelings you have during this time naturally help you progress to the next level, mainly because you want to and/or are in the 'mood'. If you do not feel this with your boyfriend, then this may raise other questions you may need to answer. If it is just because you are scared of the actual act, I'm sure your boyfriend is scared too. But being honest and natural with each other should help you get to where you need to be. You should certainly not feel any pressure - you have to want to and it has to come naturally and they are the most important things.
TeenIssues - 19-May-17 @ 12:04 PM
I have just turned 16 - the legal age. My boyfriend and I have been together for to years so we are very committed and in love. He wants to do it. He wanted to do it 2 years ago because he was 16 and I was only 14, I said no and I wanted to wait till I was legal. He was okay with it so he waited. Now, 2 years later, he wants it but I'm too scared. I've done my research and know about STIs and contraception and how it is when it's your first time, but I feel too scared to do it. He's been waiting for 2 years and he's a great guy who has never cheated and I love him. Should I do it for him?
JennyJelly - 18-May-17 @ 7:03 PM
Keeley - Your Question:
I'm 16 and me and my friend Tina have been hanging with a group of 6 older lads who are 19 for the last 8 months. In the last 2 months Tina has met a boyfriend so doesn't hang with us as much.They mess around with me more now I'm on my own with them and after a few cans of lager two weeks ago one of them sat on my chest and started rubbing his penis all over my face. He then put his penis in my mouth and I ended up having to give them all oral sex after the others joined in when he finished.I was scared at first but it didn't hurt and I quite liked it when they cum in my mouth. They haven't hurt me so I've been meeting up with them regularly since but they want me to give them oral sex whenever we hang out. I just go along with this and I'm starting to quite like it but I'm confused by all the different information on the net. Some sites say there is little or no risk in this while others say different.Can I let this continue?

Our Response:
As far as risks of pregnancy are concerned, there is no risk through oral sex. However, on a more important note, the first incident you have spoken about most definitely could be considered sexual assault. Therefore, I can only advise you speak with someone about this as there may be significant dangers involved. A definition of assault is; if someone intentionally grabs or touches you in a sexual way that you do not like, or you’re forced to kiss someone or do something else sexual against your will, this is classed as sexual assault. This includes sexual touching of any part of someone’s body, and it makes no difference whether you are clothed or not. If you are forced to have penetrative sex with someone, or someone has sex with you without your consent or agreement, this is rape. While your actions are currently consensual, it is wise to be aware of what the dangers could possibly be. Please see Victim Support link here. If you call, you can speak with one of their advisers confidentially.
TeenIssues - 28-Nov-16 @ 3:00 PM
I'm 16 and me and my friend Tina have been hanging with a group of 6 older lads who are 19 for the last 8 months. In the last 2 months Tina has met a boyfriend so doesn't hang with us as much. They mess around with me more now I'm on my own with them and after a few cans of lager two weeks ago one of them sat on my chest and started rubbing his penis all over my face.He then put his penis in my mouth and I ended up having to give them all oral sex after the others joined in when he finished. I was scared at firstbut it didn't hurt and I quite liked it when they cum in my mouth.They haven't hurt me so I've been meeting up with them regularly since but they want me to give them oral sex whenever we hang out.I just go along with this and I'm starting to quite like it but I'm confused by all the different information on the net.Some sites say there is little or no risk in this while others say different. Can I let this continue?
Keeley - 25-Nov-16 @ 5:47 PM
pikanus - Your Question:
My stepdad raped me the other day and I cant tell my mom. what am I gonna do ??

Our Response:
You should either report this directly to the police or you can call victim support via the link here for help and advice regarding what you should do.
TeenIssues - 20-Aug-15 @ 2:55 PM
my stepdad raped me the other day and i cant tell my mom.. what am i gonna do ??
pikanus - 20-Aug-15 @ 1:22 PM
Hi! Im having a problem. The other day, me and my friend (a guy) made out at a party. I was drunk, he was'nt. Now, a few days afterwards, I cought myself get turned on by this... like I want to have sex or do something with him, but just as friends. This is confusing and I don't know what to do. Please help?
Confused girl! - 14-Jun-15 @ 11:10 PM
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