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Talking About Your Sexuality

By: Maggie Lonsdale BA (hons) - Updated: 29 Jun 2020 | comments*Discuss
 
Gay Straight Sexuality Friends Family

You may be feeling as though you are the only person having these thoughts and feelings but rest assured that everyone goes through this time. Your sexuality is a personal matter - it will shape your life and being true to yourself will contribute enormously to your happiness.

Whether you are definitely gay or straight, or totally confused, your teen years are an exciting, stressful and thoroughly difficult time for your emotions.

Someone to Talk to

If you have an open, honest relationship with your mum or dad, by all means talk to them about how you feel, but it may be easier to talk to a teacher, an older brother or sister or even your GP if you do not have someone you are comfortable with. You will be surprised at how understanding someone you trust will be.

Before you decide to talk to someone, no doubt you will have had many hours by yourself thinking about how you feel. You may be confused about what it is you are feeling for different people or what is the difference between having strong feelings for someone and wanting them to be your girlfriend or boyfriend.

What Type of Family do you have?

How easy or hard you find it to talk about may be down to how comfortable your family are with talking about sensitive subjects. If you have been brought up in an open family where thoughts and feeling are encouraged, you could ask for their advice, or at least know that they will be happy to talk to you when you feel more sure of your sexuality.

If your family is more likely to be embarrassed, dismissive or even disapproving of your feelings, you can look for support elsewhere. When you feel more secure in your sexuality, it may be that you are determined to make sure your parents are aware of the 'real' you, so you could feel as though you are not able to be yourself at home for a while - you will need to decide if that is something you can accept.

Your Friends May Feel the Same

Talking to your friends can be easier in some ways - they may have their own internal confusion and be happy that you had the guts to bring up a difficult subject. It can also be tricky though because teenagers can either love or hate being different and may not want to stand out.

Rural or Urban?

Your location can also make a difference with how comfortable you are with learning about, talking about and experiencing your sexuality. If you are in a large, multi-cultural city you will have better access to clubs and support groups. In a small, more rural town you may feel as though you 'stick out' more if you dress differently or that you cannot experiment without everyone knowing about it.

The ultimate piece of advice would be that you are totally entitled to feel however you want - it will not be easy to discover and discuss your sexuality, but you must make sure that you are true to yourself and live your life in an honest way.

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[Add a Comment]
I'm gay and I haven't told anyone :( I want to but I am soooo embarrassed. Everyday I feel like crying and I hate myself for it. I love this boy but he's not gay and I know I will never have him and that makes me feel like I've got a big hole inside of me. Any advice?
:D - 12-Apr-13 @ 11:23 PM
I was lucky, my mum asked me if I was gay so it was easier for me to come out. It's been the best thing I have ever done and I have never looked back, everyone has been so supportive, I don't think ive had one negative comment. It seems awful when it's all inside you, but when you tell people you realise it isn't actually that big deal :)
LB.W. - 29-May-12 @ 8:58 PM
Hi, i'm 16, when i was about 14 i watched this film called 'Imagine me and you', it changed my life so much made me look differently to girls, if i'm honest it scared me i thought it was a phase but turns out it wasnt, my family are really homophobic like real bad but a few months ago, i bucked up the courage to tell my mum and dad, i took my best friend with me and if i'm honest it wasnt the best reaction my dad barely speaks to me my mum two and my family talk alot different i wish i didnt tell them but i'm sure over time, i'll get closer to my parents.
Someone - 25-Nov-11 @ 5:35 PM
Hey guys, I get what ur going through and I wish I could help, My dad is massively homophobic and when I told him he didn't talk to me for two weeks :(, my mum was fine, in fact she was happy, anyway me and my dad eventually worked it out, but he's still abit angry. :L also check out the other thing on being a gay/lesbian it's good, and remember your comments mean the world to some lonly people.
Afare - 22-Nov-11 @ 10:38 PM
I'm 14, female and im so confused it's unreal. I don't know if I'm gay or bisexual I really like girls and I know that for sure and sometimes I think I could never be with a guy ,but then I have the feeling that I like guys and I think I could be with them and then I see a girl and I'm like no way could I ever be with a guy. I don't know what to do, I don't know how I feel, can anyone help?
somebody - 25-Jul-11 @ 11:20 PM
Hiya, Im 13 and can talk to my dad about this sort of stuff but he makes jokes that he doesn't think will affect me but they do in a way. My mum pretends to understand and tries to make herself look great by saying I can talk to her, when really I can't. I fancy loads of girls but mum won't let me come out, and I fancy loads of boys but mum says im to young to date even though I've had two bf's already. I've told my closest mates but it's crushing me that I can't tell everyone else. I just want to be honest about the way I am but my mum stops me :( x
noner - 31-May-11 @ 7:51 PM
Hey I'm so so confused I'm 14 and every time I really think about it I get nervous. I can not tell my mum she's really homophobic I don't trust any of my friends to tell them and I have a massive crush on my best friend but I get crushes on boys as well I feel trapped and like I have no one to talk to.
Danielle - 28-Apr-11 @ 7:47 PM
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